Baby on Board
by J. Maria
Summary: When one crew member aboard Serenity finds herself pregnant, the rest of the crew learns just what parenthood truly means.Later chapters may contain Serenity spoilers, and general spoilers for the series
1. Chapter 1

Title: Baby on Board  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: Joss owns Firefly - I unfortunately don't.

Spoilers: Set through Firefly, but no Serenity spoilers  
Summary: One of Serenity's passengers contemplates motherhood.

A/N: Okay, I really don't know where this came from - so I'll blame the _Heart of Gold_ episode, because there's a lot of baby talk in that one.

**__**

Baby on Board

Everyone on board is nervous, have been since her belly started growin' on account of it's own. They tip-toe around her, everyone of 'em thinkin that she's some sort of hassle they want nothing to do with. Cap'n out right proposed marriage, e'vn tho it ain't his baby. She could never claim him, not while 'Nara held his heartstrings so tight in her cultured hand. He ain't been the same since she left. Some folks wouldn't even meet her eyes, that's for sure. Kaylee and Simon try so heard to be sweet, but anger and confusion lie so close to the surface that it makes her body throb in pain and guilt.

Shepard Book talks to her, mentions the _special_ hell a lot, 'specially when mentioning the father. What father will claim her? She's not right, dangerous and her father's long since left her. Mal and Book, substitutes, but not the same.

Wash and Zoe look at her with joy, hopes for their own future. One day, maybe we'll thoughts linger on their minds

Only one who doesn't talk is Jayne. He knows what he knows, and she knows that he's good with children, tells her every time he thinks of home, of his Momma and Mattie, and such. He can't remember the important things, he doesn't see what he oughta remember, and she's fine with that.

All she can think about is who is in there, what it's thinking. She's not fit to be anyone's rock, hero, and savior. She's just a girl. Knows nothing about being a woman, grown and tall and motherly. She's a child, gets dressed up like a gorram doll sometimes, sees things she's not supposed to, shouldn't, couldn't know.

"Who's in there, little one? Have you your father's eyes I wonder? And this lady's mind?"

Makes Simon nervous and angry. Who'd sullied his baby sister? Who'd made her mind a mess so and she can't even remember who sullied and wronged her. Simon was such a handful and she was tiring of trying to mind him. Had half a normal mind, couldn't split it much more. Had a baby to try and mother, and a father to remind.


	2. Just Unsettlin

Title: Just Unsettlin'  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-18  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.  
Spoilers: The series, but not the big damn movie. Also, for _Baby on Board_.  
Summary: "Something about that's just unsettlin', and I ain't talkin' bout Mal and Zoe."  
A/N: Just because I'm procrastinating on my NaNoWriMo story. . .

_Just Unsettlin'_

Jayne Cobb wasn't the smartest man on board _Serenity. _Hell, he wasn't even the smartest man in half the Rim. But it didn't take too long after holdin' back River Tam's hair as she hurled her guts into one of 'Nara's old vases when he, Mal, and Kaylee'd been cleaning out the old shuttle that sumthin' started botherin' him.

"Must be off her meds. Jayne, take her down to the doc," Mal said gruffly.

"Why I gotta 'scort Crazy down?" Jayne snapped.

"Cause I said so. Why you still standin' there?"

"What'll we tell 'Nara bout that pretty vase, Cap'n?" Kaylee said sadly, looking back at River.  
"Nothing. Reckon if she left anything when she got off at Persephone, she didn't have a mind at keepin' it anyhow."

Jayne grumbled a bit, but wrapped a steadyin' arm 'round the girl and started leading her off. Girl was staring at him as if he was supposed to know what was wrong in her addle-patted brainpan.

"Not addle-patted. Fully functioning and fit to form," River replied, her dark eyes locking on his. "Growth is nominal, but functional. All parts in working order."

"Then why'd ya lose yer lunch in that fancy thing of 'Nara's?" Jayne snapped, still a bit unnerved by that reader crap of hers.

"Brainpan's faulty. Memories blurred by consumption," River replied. "All purpose."

"Doc, yer sister's a screw loose."

"This is something new?" Simon asked, forgetting himself.

River gave him a look before elbowing him sharply in the stomach. Simon doubled over for a second, and the look on his face was enough to get a good laugh out of Jayne. River gave him a tiny smile before slipping up onto the examination chair.

"You're excused, escort."

It'd been later that night that he'd woken up from a nightmare. Hadn't had one of 'em since he was a few years younger'n Mattie. He could hear a girl whisperin' and carryin' on at him, telling him in was necessary, that things gotta be this way.

He remembered lips. Wasn't a fan of lips, had sumethin' to do with his Ma's friends with big lips who always tried to kiss on him. Never wanted none of that, 'least not when he was - but these ain't dreams of big ladies tryin' to peck on him. Rail thin little thing, what works her way around him as fierce as a pole cat. Clawin' at him, tryin' to make sense.

He wakes up in a cold sweat. That ain't supposed to happen.

Four months. She's been with child four months now, ain't once said who the daddy is. Doc's worked his prissified panties so far up hisself that he don't never smile. Makes Kaylee a bit sad, and Zoe walks 'round like she's proven a point. Mal went all noble, and 'Nara fell out of her chair when they waved her. Shepherd goes on about the religiosity of the matter. And Wash is there makin' his dumb ass remarks.

Jayne don't say nothing, not when Mal tells him that the girl's in his care, not when Simon objected. Not once. Course, for four months he's been haunted by nightmares. More'n once, he woke up and felt like someone was eyeing him. Slept with Vera under his pillow and with his finger on her trigger near every night it seemed.

"Check up," River says from his elbow. "Doctor's visit, determining who's in there."

"Huh?"

"Captain says I'm in your care. We both are. All purpose," she cocked her head to one side. "_Dong ma_?"

"Yeah, yeah."

Jayne's too tired to fight Crazy, so he goes along. The infirmary's freezing when they get there. Doc likes to keep it cool, but this is extreme.

"Colder'n a witch's teet in here, doc," Jayne snaps.

"My teet's are above room temperature," Crazy replies.

"River. ."

"Not what he meant, but it's true. Who's in there?" River cuts him off, staring at the screen.

"Mei-mei, it's going to be a girl . . .and a boy." Simon's eyes are locked on Jayne, who's still standing in the doorway.

"Twins," River smiles.

"I also did a DNA test, mei-mei."

"He doesn't know, doesn't remember. I made it happen, not him. All purpose."

"What's that mean?" Jayne asked, looking at River.

Simon sends him a glare, and Jayne's hand goes to his knife. Somethin' ain't kosher on this situation. He's on him before Jayne knows it, a bedpan in hand.

"It means you're going to be a father, you son of a bitch!" Simon yells, cracking the bedpan over Jayne's head.

"You're a boob, Simon." Is the last thing Jayne slips into unconsciousness.


	3. Nightmare Seduction

Title: Nightmare Seductions  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-18  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.  
Spoilers: The series, but not the big damn movie. Also, for _Baby on Board_ and _Just Unsettlin'_  
Summary: . . .rarely ever works unless you're a mind-reading genius or a big dumb ox.  
A/N: According to my little list of to-do fics - I'm supposed to be on a Zoe baby!fic. Unfortunately - or fortunately for those who are enjoying the Rayne ones - I'm not, and mini-set Rayne continues to prosper.

_Nightmare Seduction_

Jayne half expected to wake up in the airlock. Weren't quite sure why he wasn't there. His head was throbbing worse'n anything since he first got sick on alcohol. He nearly jumped out of his skin when two fingertips snaked their way along his jaw line.

River stood beside him, one hand on the small bulge of her belly, while the other rested on his cheek. Jayne's eyes focused on her belly. Where two babies were cuddled up napping, two of his babies. Babies he couldn't remember making. Which was bad. Which made him a bad guy.

"Not bad, just confused," River whispered, making him even more twitchy.

"Ain't right, what I did. Makes me bad," Jayne muttered, thinkin' maybe he deserved to be in the airlock right now.

"No. Makes me bad, I'm not right. I meddled when I didn't have the right," Tears pooled in her eyes as she smoothed back his hair. "I'm a monster."

Zoe coughed then, making her presence known. Jayne waited for her to shoot him, but Zoe merely motioned for him to follow her. Jayne gave her a look, but River squeezed his hand and smiled through her tears. He was gettin' more befuddled by the second.

"Can we go back to the part where Jayne's the father?" Wash cried, looking between a bruised Simon and a seriously pissed off Mal.  
"Did I miss any exciting revelations?" Shepherd Book asked, coming into the galley.

"Apparently, Jayne's the father of River's twins. It's all very confusing."

"Jayne? Jayne Cobb?"  
"The man-ape gone wrong, yes." Simon snapped.

"And he hit Simon?"

"Naw, that'd be the result of little River's mood swings. Seems the doc hit Jayne with a bedpan," Mal sighed.

"Hospital hysterics," Wash cut in.

"Wash."

"Sorry, Captain."

"Well, y'all can shut up now. If'n yer planning on killin' me, do it quick." Jayne snapped, sitting down heavily at the table.

"There'll be no killing, not today," River snapped, more force and sanity than they'd heard in her voice, well, ever. "Jayne's not responsible."

"River, honey, you didn't get yourself . . in the family way," Book said gently.  
"I did. I manipulated him, plied him with wood alcohol, got him excited and used him to my own means," River replied, her eyes locked on Jayne's.

The room was quiet for a moment, and Jayne just stared blankly at her. He remembered the booze, 'membered passing out, just like he had when Mal'd got hisself hitched to Saffron. Didn't remember much else.

"River, a man remembers that sorta thing," Mal said, glaring at Jayne.  
"Man also remembers getting married. 'Sides, Simon didn't remember on Canton," River shrugged.

"That's because it didn't happen on _Canton_!" Simon snapped. "Kaylee was upset and -"

"I don't remember."

Jayne said it clearly, and the room descended into quiet once more. He stared at his hands, his mouth set in a grim line. He didn't understand why the gorram girl'd done what she'd done, but it didn't change nothing. She was carrying his kids, weren't she?

"That ain't an excuse," Jayne continued. "Don't know why she - well, that ain't true neither. Wouldn't pick Book, he bout got it chopped off fer religion. Wash's got Zoe, and Zoe'd likely kill 'em both for even tryin'. Simon's kin and that just ain't natural. And Mal -"

"Only logical choice," River cut him off. "Unattached. Strong, healthy, not kin."

"So the question is why at all? Why go through all that trouble to get pregnant at all?" Zoe asked.

"Subterfuge."

"Subter-what?" Wash asked.

"Disguise. Looking for a Tam, no Tam. Just a Cobb. Looking for a girl, finds a mother, a respectable family."

Shepherd Book nodded his head. Jayne had fallen silent again, staring at his hands. Mal, Wash, and Kaylee still looked confused. Simon looked upset. And Zoe, well, Zoe was hard to read.

"I think it might be best if we leave them to talk a spell," Book said, resting a hand on Kaylee's shoulder. "They have quite a bit they need to discuss."

"I'm sorry."

"No, you ain't. Got what you wanted."  
"I wanted us safe. I wanted _Serenity_ safe."

"Coulda asked me, 'steada usin' me."

"No, I couldn't."

"Well, gotta make it legit now don't we?" Jayne said angrily.

"No."

"I ain't havin' any a my blood goin' round being unclaimed," there was fierceness in his voice. Something she hadn't read before. Because her food had been problematic.

"Mattie's unclaimed."

"No, she _ain't_. Ma claimed her for me, cuz I was too stupid to do anything bout it. I ain't stupid now."

"Big sister, important to everything. Didn't see it coming."

"Just cuz yer a genius don't mean you see everything," Jayne shoved the chair back forcefully, making his way towards his bunk.

River stood in the common room by herself, blinking back tears of guilt. Her hand rested protectively on her stomach.

"I didn't see twins."


	4. Nucleus, Not Whole

Title: Nucleus, Not Whole  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-18  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.  
Spoilers: The series, but not the big damn movie. Also, for _Baby on Board_ and _Just Unsettlin', _and _Nightmare Seduction_  
Summary: Centering force brings them in orbit, but doesn't make them whole.  
A/N: Oy. Angst kinda ahead. . .also, I'll be making up the planet/moon Jayne grew up on. . .(unless someone has an answer for that)

_Nucleus, Not Whole_

His Ma'd raised him to say nobody's a mistake. But that was just what Mattie was, just what these babies would be. Babies. Two of 'em. His whole life was riddled with mistakes.

"Jayne?"

"Whaddya want, preacher?" Jayne snapped.

"I'd like to know your intentions toward River, but I suspect I already know the answer."

"It involve me goin' off ta that special hell a yours?"

"No. It involves the bonds of marriage."

"Already told Crazy I was makin' it legit. Don't need a preacher ta come put the fear a God in me."

Shepherd Book sat down at the table, his eyes focusing on Jayne. The large mercenary was slumped forward, a cup of tea cradled in his hand. River sat in the little cove, watching them.

"He's mad," River sighed. "Extenuating circumstances I couldn't avoid. Didn't see."

"Girl's a _gorram_ reader, and I got the extenuatin' circumstances," Jayne snorted.

"Perhaps we should postpone any type of servi-"

"No. No blood a mine's going unclaimed," Jayne snapped.

"Vera and Mattie. Extend beyond parameters. He's touchy," River said exasperated.

"I'm not sure I follow, his gun and his sister?"

"Lover and daughter."

"That ain't nobody on this boat's business, River."

"Can't help - you think too loud."

"I'm afraid you've lost me," Book sighed.

"Eight years back, I was keepin' my nose outta the war. Old flame a mine got herself widowed. We got to sexin', we got stupid. I shoved off planet two weeks later. Less'n a year or so goes by, I get a wave from my mother, tellin' me this girl I knew's dead. Got myself a daughter. Happy now, Crazy?"

"Willing to go back, care for her as his own, as she is. Mama told him to stay away. She'd take care, claim her as kin."

"And this girl believes she's your sister?"

"Far as I know. Girl's seven, gets sick sumthin' fierce," Jayne said gruffly.

"I -"

"Don't go spreadin' round my business, preacher. Got 'nuff troubles without people knowin' bout Mattie and Vera."

Jayne was angry, and River felt her hands shaking. She knew Jayne'd loved Vera. Loved her as a boy unworthy of the magistrate's daughter. Loved her as a man, loved her to infinity. That love tore at her, because even in death he loved her. Jayne didn't feel that kind of love for _her_. He loved at her. At their children, had a special place for children in his heart. Was willing to go back for Mattie. Matilda Jane Cobb.

Tears scorched her cheeks, and before she knew it, Jayne was at her side. Gruff fingers dabbed at her cheeks. River blinked.

"Don't git yerself overworked. Make yerself sick," he said gruffly.

"Not a child."

"Yer actin' like one."

"Not a gorram doll, not gorram _Vera!_"

River shoved him hard away from her and raced from the room. Jayne glared at her back. Addled brained brat.

"She is a child, you know."

"Eighteen. Been on this boat near two years. Was seventeen when she got on." Jayne snapped. "She put this in motion, not me."

"I'm not sure marriage is the right -"

"Preacher, you preachin' sin ta me?"

"No, simply -"

"Good," Jayne stood, following River's example and left the common room.

"Jayne," Wash muttered for the thousandth time, shaking his head. "How drunk does she have to make a man ta get him to the point where he can't remember, but's still fertile?"

"She used drugs. Doc says he's missin' a few sexual aids or some such nonsense," Mal replied. It was creepy and mortifyin'.

"What's the doc -" Wash started laughing.

"Ain't funny. Got us a pregnant teenaged fugitive, now didn't it?"

"But -"

"Simon ain't been all forthcoming with an answer, Wash." Mal sighed.

There was a loud crashing noise coming from the mess. Mal cursed loudly and ran off in the direction of the noise.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Simon was yelling. Kaylee and River were trying to restrain him. Well, Kaylee was. River was shoving him back.

"What in the hell are you doing?" Mal snapped.

"This _hwoon dahn_ wants to _marry_ my sister!" Simon yelled.

"Hell, I ain't got a choice in the matter. She's knocked up, ain't she?" Jayne snapped back, rubbin' at his jaw.

"What - wait, huh?"

"Jayne's gone noble, claiming what is his," River snapped.

"Jayne -"

"Mal, I ain't gonna use her bad. Or treat her bad. She's the mother a my children," Jayne sighed.

"Mamma's boy. Taught him to be respectful to mothers. Good woman," River smiled softly, like she knew all the secrets in the 'verse. "I do. Stop thinking so loud."

"Stop that," Mal yelled. "Nee mun doh bee-jway!"

"I'm takin' responsibility, Mal," Jayne growled.

"Response - seems a mite more like advantage than responsibility, Jayne," Mal replied.

"Fully capable of disabling him should he lean that way," River glared at Mal, who insisted on ignoring her.

"Ain't like I'm marryin' her t'day. Gotta take her home first. Tell my mother."

"What?" Simon and Mal yelled at the same time.

Chinese Translations:

__

hwoon dahn - bastard  
_nee mun doh bee-jway - _everybody shut the hell up


	5. Mama Cobb

Title: Mama Cobb  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-18  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.  
Spoilers: The series, but not the big damn movie. Also, for _Baby on Board_, _Just Unsettlin', Nightmare Seduction, _& _Nucleus, Not Whole_  
Summary: . .ain't what you were expecting.  
A/N: Cheesy title, I know. But when am I ever gonna get to use Mama Cobb as a fic title again? Most likely - never, so I used it. Unashamedly. suppresses grin

_Mama Cobb_

Jayne'd waved his mother the next day, tellin' her to expect him in a few weeks time. Course, the Cobb homestead was on the ass-end of the verse and about a three week trip if they pushed hard enough.

"Why are we going to Cadence again?" Wash asked for the tenth time.

"Apparently to get Mother Cobb's blessing," Zoe chuckled.

"Ain't no ruttin' laughin' matter, Zoe. My mother's likely to skin me alive," Jayne shuddered.

"Skin you or River?"

"River's with child, Mama'll come after me," Jayne shuddered again. "Reminds me a bit a you, Zoe. Downright frighten'."

"Am I supposed to be flattered or annoyed, husband?" Zoe asked Wash flatly.

"I'm not - we could ask the dinos. They might know. . ." Wash said playfully, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Mama's already pissed I ain't mentioned my 'sweetheart' a'fore now," Jayne muttered. "Course, four months ago, didn't know I'd end up hitched to Crazy."

"Seein' as how you're plannin' on making little River your wife, you might look to stop callin' her crazy," Zoe said.

"She might take a knife to you - again," Wash joked.

"Keep on laughin', little man." Jayne said gruffly, pushing himself out of the co-pilot's seat.

Jayne grumbled to himself as he stomped off the bridge. Wash and Zoe waited half a minute before laughing.

"Whaddya think the formidible Mother Cobb looks like?" Wash asked as he was wiping tears from his eyes.

"Big bulky woman, maybe has scruff and a 'stache just like Jayne. Tough lady."

"That's what I'm thinking."

"Can't wait to see what little River has to say to her."

River was nervous. More than she thought she ought to be. Jayne was spending time with her, but he was still angry and scared. River knew why, he thought so loud. Didn't say it, but he knew she knew. She was a mind readin' genius.

Vera'd died in childbirth. Mattie'd been sickly. Nearly died once a'fore. Vera's husband was sterile, so she'd never had to fret. But Vera hadn't been. She'd been small, and delicate. It was easy for him to pretend. River didn't want him to pretend. It hurt, and she was to blame.

"I'm wrong, I did wrong," River sobbed, falling in on herself.

Shepherd Book had come running, been the only one to see. He lifted her up, fathered her, made her see.

"River, honey, what's wrong?"

"Me, I meddled, did something I wasn't supposed to do," she cried, her hands tightening on her stomach.

"Yes, you did." She tensed up. What was the preacher man saying? He smiled gently at her. "You did meddle with Jayne. Worked the odds in your favor and set him up. You violated him, River. There's no easy way to say it."

"Hands of Blue, just as bad. . ."

"No, not that bad. Confused."

"River? What's wrong?" Simon demanded.

"Nothing. Guilt." River let the preacher help her up, but skirted away from Simon.

"What's going on?" Simon asked as River slipped from the room.  
"River's come to terms with what she's done."

"What _she's_ done?" Simon snapped.

"You can't really blame Jayne for this, son."

"Why not?"

"Because he was the victim."

Inara blinked. Kaylee merely grinned over the comm. She'd just filled the Companion in on all the new details of what had happened over the last few weeks.

"Jayne's the father? And you're all headed to get Mother Cobb's blessing? And Mal's all right with this?" Inara asked. "And Jayne's still breathing?"

"Barely, but River's already beaten up on Simon for hurtin' Jayne. Kinda sweet, actually."

"Jayne Cobb?"

"Yup, apparently River drugged him and sexed him up."

"Jayne Cobb?"

"'Nara, don't matter how often you say it, don't make it any less true."

"You've all gone mad since I left."

"Naw, -"

"Kaylee! What are you -" Mal shouted, stopping short when he saw Inara's face on the comm. "'Nara."

"Hello, Mal."

"Reckon little Kaylee's been updating you?"

"Yes, apparently River raped Jayne and got herself pregnant, and you're all heading to meet the grandmother."

"Sounds about right. Kaylee, when you finish up in here, I need you to make sure everything's squared away in the engine room. Cadence is a mite of a way off, and any decent parts we might need'll be few and far between out there."

"Yes, Cap'n."  
"And see if you can dig up some baggy clothes for River. Jayne thinks he's gonna hide her bein' pregnant."  
"She's near five months along! Less his momma's blind and stupid, she's gonna realize River's pregnant," Kaylee cried.

"We are talkin' bout Jayne's mama."

"That's just mean, Cap'n."

"I could round up some things for her, send them on to you. At Beaumond?" Inara offered.

"We'll be gettin' there in about four or five days. River'd appreciate it."

"I can have it waiting there for you in two. We've got excellent couriers -"

"Good," Mal cleared his throat. "Don't forget to check on what we need, Kaylee."

Kaylee watched Inara, sighing at the two of them. Not like she could fix it, but at least they were bein' civil to each other. It was kinda creepy. Kaylee smiled brightly again.

"Did I tell you she's havin' twins?"

__

Three Weeks Later

Jayne wore his whorin' shirt. River wore some beautifully beaded dress that Inara'd sent her. Jayne kept on babbling. Zoe and Wash laughed, Book and Kaylee smiled a lot, Mal frowned, and Simon glared.

"Don't go tellin' her we're thieves fer hire. Mama ain't too fond a thieves and mercenary folk."

"Kinda puts a damper on your relationship with her, doesn't it?" Wash joked.

"Wash," Zoe warned.

"Mama raised the twelve of us -"

"Twelve of you?"

"Little man, if'n it weren't fer yer wife, you'd be missin' more'n a few teeth," Jayne growled.

"Mother Cobb is resilient and strong, good qualities for a hard life." River said, her hand slipping into Jayne's.

For once in the past three weeks, Jayne didn't jerk away. He let her touch him. River blinked, a blush rising to her cheeks. Mal raised an eyebrow in their direction.

"Cap'n, you've got a smutty mind," River snapped.

"Right, borrowed it from the Shepherd," Mal replied.

By the time they reached the Cobb homestead, it was nearing noon. Mal blinked a few times, Wash's eyes got very big, and Simon started babbling. Before them sat a pretty little house, a small garden in front. The porch wrapped round the little yellow house and a tire swing hung from the old oak that gave it a good amount of shade. A little girl of seven sat in the yard, her pale red hair rustling in the wind. She played with a small puppy, tossing a ball for it to catch. Jayne grinned at the sight, just as the screen door opened an a small, thin woman came out.

She shielded her eyes from the sun and stared at the mule as it rode up. Her face burst into a big, welcoming smile as she raced down the steps to the front gate.

"Jayne!" The woman cried, as Jayne jumped off the mule.

Jayne carefully gathered the woman in his arms and swung her about. Mal exchanged a look with Zoe, who just shook her head. Kaylee started grinning like mad, and Wash's mouth hung open.

"My baby boy, you've come home!"

"_That's_ Mother Cobb?" Wash cried.

"Which one's the lucky girl?" Mrs. Cobb laughed as Jayne set her back on her feet.

"Er, River. C'mon over, - honey." Jayne coughed.

Mrs. Cobb gave Jayne a puzzled look, but turned to smile at River. She came shyly forward, a tentative smile on her lips. Mrs. Cobb gave her a quick once over and quickly pulled the taller girl into a tight hug. River seemed a bit shocked, and tears came suddenly to her eyes.

"I always knew my little Jayne would find a good girl for himself," Mrs. Cobb said, bursting into tears.

"I think we missed something," Wash said, while the others watched on.


	6. Tiny Thing Like That

Title: Tiny Thing Like That  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-18  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.  
Spoilers: The series, but not the big damn movie. Also, for _Baby on Board_, _Just Unsettlin', Nightmare Seduction,_ _Nucleus, Not Whole, _& _Mama Cobb_  
Summary: I thought you'd learned yer lesson. . .  
A/N: This is such crackfic - but in a good way. Supposed to be reading the Dead Zone, or sleepin' but I can't. . .

_Tiny Thing Like That_

"_That's _Mother Cobb? The mother Cobb who had _Jayne_?" Wash asked again, standing apart from River, Jayne and Mrs. Cobb. "And eleven just like him?"  
"Wash, shush," Kaylee grinned, smacking his arm. "It's the most precious thing ever."

"Oh, you'll hafta excuse me, it's just such a surprise, our Jayne finally settlin' down," Mrs. Cobb said, reaching into her apron pocket for a hankerchief.

"Here, Ma. Take this," Jayne said, handin' her one he'd had stuffed down his front pocket.

Mal stared at him as if he'd never seen the man before in his life. That was when the girl raced forward, leaving her puppy behind. Jayne caught her in mid-leap, laughing as the girl burrowed into him.

"Jay!" she cried, wrapping her little arms around his big, burly neck.

"Mattie, yer gonna kill me. I'm a old man, lil' sis."

"Little sis?" Zoe mouthed to Mal. Mal merely shrugged.

"Mattie, get off yer brother like that. It ain't proper," Mrs. Cobb scolded, a smile on her lips.

"Sorry, Mama," Jayne and Mattie said sheepishly.

"Mrs. Cobb, it is a pleasure to finally meet the woman who brought Jayne into this world," Shepherd Book said, stepping forward.  
"This is Shepherd Book, Ma," Jayne said.

"Oh. Thank you kindly, Shepherd. My Jayne's been goin' on about what a calmin' and spiritual influence you been to him," Mrs. Cobb smiled, "And do call me Evie. My god-given name, and you can't be much oldern' me, Shepherd."

"Evie," Book smiled back.

"Ma, this is -"

"Captain Malcolm Reynolds, Ma'am," Mal stepped forward quickly.

"Captain Reynolds," Evie said, taking his hand.

"This is the rest of my crew, Zoe and Wash Washburne, Kaylee Frye, and Simon, little River's brother," Mal said, yanking Simon forward. "He's a doctor."

"We always wanted a doctor in the family," Evie said, pulling Simon into a tight hug.

"Yes, I'm - thrilled to be associated with the Cobb family," Simon said stiffly.

"Liar," Mattie said under her breath.

Simon stared at her oddly. Jayne laughed, loudly. Evie chuckled before lightly smacking Mattie's hand. She glared at her son, and Jayne immediately shut up.

"Sorry, Ma."

"Well, won't you all come in? Jayne's sisters and I have been whippin' up a dandy of a meal, and I just want to hear all about your fascinatin' adventures out in the black. And we've been gettin' ready for the weddin'."

"How many sisters does Jayne have?" Wash asked.

"Bout seven. He's got four brothers as well, but this time a day, they're all workin'."

"There's four more like him?"

"All my boys are big. Girl's are as dainty as can be, but my boys are oxen," Evie said, her voice laced with pride.

"Ma,"

"Don't you Ma, me, Jayne Alistair Cobb. Just cuz yer grown, don't mean I can't still take you over my knee."

"Yes, Ma."

"His middle name's Alistair?" Wash said under his breath.

"I wouldn't talk, _Hoban_." Zoe grinned, poking him in the side.

"I'm just sayin' a guy like that. . ."

The little house was bigger than it seemed. There was a large family room, with three big comfy sofas on each wall. Evie led them down a narrow hallway into a large, sprawling kitchen. Three women, all a foot taller than Evie stood bickering over a large range. Two women sat a huge wooden table, shucking corn and gossiping. One of them had a baby on her lap, gnawing on a cookie. The other was at least nine months along. A younger woman stood at the back door, four little ones vying for her attention. She glanced over her shoulder, screamed, and lunged at Jayne.

"Phoebe, get off yer brother. I swear, yer as bad as Mattie some days. Captain, Shepherd, these are my girls. This hellion is Phoebe, she's my second youngest. These three are Enid, Rochelle, and Natasha, the one with the baby is Jasmine, and the one who's 'bout ready to pop over there is Jayne's older sister Brooke," Evie smiled, taking the baby from Jasmine.

"Is it just me, or aren't those the names of Jayne's guns?" Wash asked.

"They are," Mal answered.

"Which one is she, little brother?" Brooke demanded, her eyes resting on Zoe, Kaylee, and River in turn.

"River, this lovely little thing," Evie beamed.

The room went quiet for a moment, and River's head buzzed with bits of thoughts. Her smile faltered, and they noticed. Mattie gently took her hand, and River felt the catty voices flow away from her, the little girl's innocent thoughts a relieving calm she could dock herself it.

"Uncle Jayne's home!" The children cried, swarming into the kitchen.

"I swear, you bring more upheavel into this house than any man in the 'verse, Jaynie," Phoebe laughed.

"Y'all can go out back, we've got some lovely weather today," Jasmine smiled brightly. "We'll have the children entertain you while we get supper on."

"Could I help?" River said timidly, letting Mattie's hand slip through hers.

"Me too," Kaylee said cheerfully.

"Sure, could always use extra hands, 'specially when Jayne's home. Man's got an appetite bigger'n any in the 'verse," Enid grinned.

"You girls gonna be all right if I take some time with yer brother?" Evie asked.

"Yes, Mama."

Jayne followed his mother into her sewin' room, nervous as all hell about what she'd say. She nodded to the chair, and he sat, stiffer'n when River'd told him she could kill him wit her brain. Evie smiled, took out her knitting needles and sat in her favorite rocker that Jayne's father'd made for her when he was courtin' her.

"Well, Ma?"

"She's a mite young, Jayne," Were the first words out of her mouth. "How old are you now, son?"

"Thirty-seven, Ma."

"How old's she?"

"Eighteen."

"Eighteen, Jayne? Couldn't find no older girls? That brother a hers don't much care for you, neither," Evie said quietly. "Hell, Jayne, she's three years older than Phoebe, and eleven older than Mattie."

"I know, Ma."

"You know that yer future bride and soon to be mother of yer children is eleven years older than yer daughter?" Evie snapped. "And the fact that you already got her in the family way? That's not helpin' ya, son."

"You sayin' you disapprove a my choice of a wife?"

Evie dropped a stitch, went back and straightened it. Her face was blank, and her eyes focused on her work. A smile crept onto her lips.

"No, I like her. What's more important is that Mattie likes her. She don't take easily to strangers, as you know. That Simon fellow fer one."

"Doc's all manners a prissy, Ma. Nobody but Kaylee takes to him."

"Kaylee the one you had a crush on when you first got on with them?"

"Ma, she ain't nothin' but like 'nother sister to me."

"And River? You love her, Jayne? You love her like Vera?"

"Vera's dead, Ma." Jayne said stiffly.

"I know, son, I held her hand when she died," Evie said on a shaky breath. "Didn't answer my question, Jayne."

"Ma, man ain't supposed ta -"

"Man ain't supposed ta get a girl in the family way a'fore vows are taken, either, Jayne. I ain't been around yer sisters and sister-in laws, and been through birth eleven times to not know when the girl I'm huggin's with child," Evie snapped, leveling her gaze on him.

"Gorrammitt, Ma - I got feelin's for her, all right? She's got it rough. We ain't plan on gettin' hitched this way, but it were that or me findin' myself a whole manner a dead," Jayne snapped.

"Yer crew woulda killed you?" Evie gasped.

"Simon, he mighta. River'd stop him, clocked him cold a few weeks back fer me."

Evie let it rest at that, squeezing Jayne's hand in hers. He was her first born, and he'd done all manner a good for his family, specially when they'd lost Alistair a few years back. All the new fixin's on the house were cause a Jayne, so was Mattie's medicine, and the money that let 'em keep their land.

"She'll be good fer you, Jayne. I can feel it," Evie smiled.

River felt much more at ease. Given a test, she passed. She excelled, because of Mattie. Had she been stand-offish, she would have been keel-hauled. Took to the child, first test. Stuck by our ornery brother, second test. Wasn't intimidated, third test. Mama likes her, fourth and most important test. Young, but maybe stronger. . .Vera was weak, gave in when Jayne had left. Always weak, didn't deserve Jayne. Their voices pummeled at her mind, but not with the cattiness of before.

"Who's the oldest, how's it go?" Kaylee asked.

"Brooke's the oldest, then Jayne, me, and Enid's two years younger'n me," Jasmine smiled broadly, shifting the baby on her knee.

"Then Dewey, and Martin. They're twins, and about four years younger," Rochelle added, "Then me, and Steven, Natasha, Logan, Phoebe, and little Mattie."

"Y'all married?" Kaylee asked.

"'Cept for Phoebe, Mattie, and Jayne. Logan got hitched two years back. Jayne came home fer the wedding," Enid said. "Thought old Jayne'd go to the grave a bachelor. But it looks like we didn't count on little River here."

"You hooked up with a fella, Kaylee?" Phoebe asked.

"Nah, not - well,"

"She's got eyes on Simon, but he's a boob," River said.

"How so?" Phoebe asked excitedly.

"Simon's not - he's not a boob, River."

"Fails to take action. Fails to act on emotions, he's a boob."

"Don't sound like dinner's bein' made proper - hello," A man said, striding into the kitchen. "Who're you lovelies?"

He was a bit shorter than Jayne, and a bit leaner. He had lighter hair, and was pleasin' to the eye. He grinned, and the grin was of Jayne's. River smiled coyly.

"Logan, this here is Jayne's soon-to-be missus, River. And that genius mechanic Jayne writes about." Enid called.

"Jayne writes about me?"

"Uh-huh, wrote bout y'all, 'cept fer Simon and River. Hasn't said a lick bout them?"

"He write about Canton?" Kaylee said grinning.

"Where?"

Not long after Logan arrived, the rest of the Cobb brothers came home. Each had their family in toe, and the sisters' families arrived. Evie sat at the head of the table, with Jayne and a shy River, who blushed at everything Evie said.

"So, Jayne, we hear yer a bonafide fold hero," Logan yelled across the table.

"What?" Jayne snapped, looking angrily at his crew, and River in particular.

"Kaylee told them, I wasn't there. I was hiding from the hair," River replied, giving Book a dirty look.

"What's all this, Jayne?" Evie smiled.

"Ma, t'ain't nothing."

"Whole town built a statue to him. Gave a magistrate hell, just like old times," Logan grinned.

"Logan, shut yer trap," Jayne warned.

"What's this about old, and I'm assuming, amusing times?" Wash asked the bigger man.

"When Jayne was 'bout sixteen he had a thing fer the magistrate's daughter -"

"Logan, no one wants to hear that story," Evie snapped.

"No, what happened, Logan?" Mattie pressed.

The table went quiet. Jayne glared at his younger brother, and felt like throwing his knife at him. A small hand slipped around his wrist, and he turned to River. Evie watched them carefully.

"Tell us what happened, Jayne," River said quietly. "Tell us a story."

"Ain't nothin' much. Got forbade to see the girl, caused a ruckus in town. Took off after that."

"Magistrate near had a heart attack when Jayne flashed his ass at the man," Logan said laughing, the noise returning to the table.

"What happened to the girl?" Mattie asked.

"Married a rich man, moved off world," Jayne answered.

"Oh. 'Least you got River. If'n you'd married that girl, you'd a never met her."

"Yer right, Mattie," Jayne said quietly.

Beneath the table, Jayne took River's hand in his and squeezed in thanks. River just smiled back at him.


	7. Family Matters

Title: Family Matters  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-18  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.  
Spoilers: The series, but not the big damn movie. Also, for _Baby on Board_, _Just Unsettlin', Nightmare Seduction,_ _Nucleus, Not Whole,_ _Mama Cobb, & Tiny Thing Like That _- this list is gettin' frighteningly long.  
Summary: It's family that keeps us grounded, even in our most uncertain states.  
A/N: In which River freaks out about giving birth, cuz she does. Also, I spent my in-class doodling time writing out a fricken Cobb family tree! So far, not including Mattie, there are like 23 grandkids, and I only got up to Dewey. That's all my thirty minute class gave me time to get up to. My day's kinda sucked other than that.

_Family Matters_

The Cobbs were a lively, and down right odd bunch to dine with. Jayne's younger brothers all worked the farm, and the newly acquired cattle his money from the Ariel job had got them. Jayne sat with River, who was listening captivated by Evie's warm, comforting tone. He had his sisters' babies on his lap, the two year old Lorelai was falling asleep on his chest and little Jameson was trying to stick his fingers in Jayne's mouth. Mal fell out of his chair more than once at the sight of this. Evie held Logan's little one in her arms and was goin' on about the wonders of birth.

"I don't envy poor Brooke anything, you know. She's carryin' low, means her youngest'll be due soon. I remember when Jayne was born. He's my heaviest, you know. Somethin' like twelve pounds."

"Twelve _pounds_?" River asked, her eyes round with concern.

"Weren't nobody there but me and Mother Cobb, Jayne's granny. Had to break his shoulder just to get him out," Evie said, bouncing Brianna on her knee.

"Break . .."

"Doc who came through a day or so later said I mighta died, takin' Jayne 'long with me if Mother Cobb hadn't a done it."

River went very pale at this bit of information. She looked as if she'd get sick all over the place. She jumped up and raced back into the house.

"Oh, I am the biggest fool!" Evie cried. "I didn't even think -"

"River? What happened?" Simon asked, rising from his seat.

"Take the youngins," Jayne handed off his niece and nephew into the doctor's arms.

"I really think -" Simon started to say while stuggling to balance the fussing children in his arms.

"I got this," Jayne snapped.

River was hiding when he got to the house. She'd found his room, curled up in his old bed, sobbing painfully.

"What're you doin', Crazy?"

"Can't - haven't the strength to break a shoulder, I can't. Can't do this," River sobbed into his old pillow.

"Little late to be changin' yer mind," Jayne snapped.

"Saw it, didn't know," River reached forward, her hand touching his shoulder.

Her fingers brushed gently over his shoulder, tears in her eyes. Jayne stiffened, was gonna move so she wouldn't carry on so. How'd he end up bein' the guy ta go after her? She'd done somethin' that he didn't want, and yet, here he was, chasin' after her. Cryin' over a hurt he didn't remember none.

"Stop it, bones are more flexin'. Granny didn't harm it none, and twins're smaller. Won't be twelve pounds t'gether," Jayne said roughly.

"Didn't ask, took it anyway," River said tearfully. "I'm wrong, I'm sorry."

"Quitcha cryin' girl. Weren't like there's anybody else'd take it," Jayne joked.

"Plenty would, seen 'em. Eyes follow you like a thousand little knives. You don't see them."

Jayne stared at her, his mind fixed on figger'n out what the girl was tryin' to say. He couldn't though, she was a mind readin' genius and he was just -

"Don't think that way. Don't ever. More than just the sum of parts. Good, even when you're trying not to be. Strong, stubborn, loving." River said, taking his hand in hers and resting it gently on her stomach. "Perfect, in every imperfect way possible."

He could feel the warmth of her skin through the pretty dress Inara'd given her. Felt his children being kept safe and warm there. _His_. Theirs. Jayne's fingers tightened softly on the dress, seeing the girl in a light he'd never thought to look in.

"Jayne? River?" Evie called, stepping into the room. She bustled over to River, shoving Jayne out of the way. Evie pulled her into a warm hug. "Oh, River, dear, I didn't mean to go on that way. Weren't right of me, frightenin' you like that. All births aren't the same. I'm sure yours'll be much easier than Jayne's was on me. I didn't mean to make you cry, sweetheart."

"Just - all coming together too quickly - more than I thought," River gave the woman a watery smile.

"Well, Jayne didn't put me off a wantin' more children. Had ten more, and I'm still livin'," Evie chuckled.

"Must be made this way," River said quietly, looking back at Jayne.

Wash was crying. Buckets of tears. All because Brooke had told them how Jayne'd been the one to test their make-up. And that he'd kinda enjoyed it. He couldn't stop laughing. It was too priceless. Jayne wouldn't be thrilled, but Wash was enjoying his wallowing.

"How long do y'all reckon you'll be here on Cadence?" Brooke asked, taking a drink of water to stop her sudden bout of hiccups.

"Long nuff fer the weddin'," Jayne said gruffly, rejoining the group.

The crew noticed that Jayne's big hand swallowed River's, who followed him. Evie was beaming as she watched her son, and Brooke gave her mother a questioning look. Evie gave a slight nod, before turning back in to the house. Jayne must've noticed his mother leaving, because as soon as Brooke turned back to talk to her brother he had a cigar hanging limply from his lips, and a hand diggin in his pockets for a light.

"Jayne Cobb, you best get that cigar outta yer mouth," Brooke glared at him.

"Aww, Brooke, it ain't even lit," Jayne snapped.

"Don't you dare take that tone with me, boy," Brooke snapped right back, an evil little look in her eye. "I'm nine months along, and I got no reason to want my unborn youngin' exposed ta that filthy smoke."

"Comply," River said, poking him hard in the shoulder.

"Can we steer this here conversation in a direction that don't get me bruised by pointy-nailed fingers?" Jayne winced.

"Take that cigar out, and we surely can," Brooke smiled sweetly.

"Naw, girl," Jayne sneered, "You ain't my boss."

"Happens that I am," Mal said grinning.

The two Cobb siblings gave him a look that was down right frightenin' and an eerie sight to behold. Brooke's was accompanied by an eyeroll that firmly reminded Mal that she was a woman and a mother who'd spent a great deal of time around annoying men. Jayne's was topped off with an what're-you-smokin' look. River gave Mal a sympathetic look, as if she knew what he was goin' through. Mal decided that one was the most eerie of the three.

"You want me ta tell Ma yer endangerin' her unborn grandbaby?" Brooke said haughtily

"Sheeyit, Brooke," Jayne grumbled. "Now ya ain't gotta wonder why I named my hair-trigger after ya."

"That purty little Westchester Colt?" Brooke grinned, leaning forward on her elbows as if she were a child rather than middle-aged woman expecting her sixth child.

"That's the one."

"You been keepin' it up to snuff? Polishin' and cleanin' it and such?"

Jayne gave her a look, as if she were a child before nodding. Brooke grinned even wider and leaned forward to pop a kiss on her brother's scruffy cheek. The smile she gave her husband Angus was one of a know-it all, and Jayne reckoned his brother-in-law'd owe his wife some money later. Wash, however, was looking slightly confused.

"Am I missing something? He just told you that he named his very fickle gun after you," Wash asked.

"Hell, any girl in the 'verse'd be downright thrilled to have that honor. Colt's the best gorram gun been made inside the known 'verse for ten years. He didn't take good care a my baby, I'd haffta get a ruttin' chain and beat him with it," Brooke grinned.

"Where you think I picked up that purty piece, little man?" Jayne laughed.

"Won it in a Tall Card game 'bout twelve years back, but I was expectin' my second born and had a two year old underfoot. Can't have a hair-trigger lyin' round with a passel of critters underfoot, and Ma told me she was sendin' little brother here a care package, and I tucked my gun in careful like," Brooke laughed at the memory.

"Near shot off my gorram hand," Jayne finished.

"Well, that's just special," Wash muttered. "It's nice that your family has hilarious gun stories."

River took Jayne's hand in hers again, noticing for the first time the crescent shaped scar just below his right thumb. Barrel burn from the accidental firing. Burned a hole through the sweather Evie had made her. He hadn't been lying. Jayne needed more minding than Simon.

"So, Jayne, hear yer goin' down the aisle soon," Angus MacAvoy grinned, wrapping a hand around his wife.

Angus was a stout man, with a face that tended towards red rather often. He'd grown up on Cadence, like the Cobbs'. Jayne hadn't much cared one way or the other bout the man, till he started courtin' and cattin' bout with his sister. Got into a brawl or three, but he was as good a man as any.

"Yeah, in a week's time," Jayne replied, reachin' for his cup.

"That soon?" Simon asked, startled.

"No reason why it should wait," Jayne answered.

"Never thought we'd see ya married off," Angus chuckled. "Gonna have to kick our heels at bachelorhood in the old Cobb style, eh?"

"No whores, or women who take their clothes off, but you may drink," River said suddenly, a smile on her lips.

Jayne and Simon stared at her in open-mouthed horror, while Angus, Brooke, Mal and Wash all started cackling. River's smile got bigger.

A/N 2: Next part, bachelor party, picking the bridal party, and surprises.  
Family tree:

Evangeline Jayne (58) & Alistair Cobb (d.)

- Brooke (39) & Angus MacAvoy (41)

- Yosef (14)

- Caleb (12)

- Estelle (9)

- Pietro (6)

- Temperance (3)

- baby (?)

- Jayne (37) & River Tam (18)

- twins (?)

- Jasmine (35) & Hoss Chien (40)

- Janet (16)

- Avery (14)

- Morgan (10)

- Eliza (9)

- Amy (7)

- Virgil (5)

- Jameson (1)

- Enid (33) & Daniel Bakov (39)

- Maya (12)

- Daniel, jr. (10)

- Edmund (5)

- Lorelai (2)

- Dwayne (Dewey) (29) & Brigitte Cairo (27)

- Martha (13)

- Hannibal (12)

- Mason (11)

- Stewart (10)

- Alistair (7)

- Elaine (3)

- Martian (29) & Bai Lewis(25)

- Dixie (11)

- Patsy (6)

- Ann (4)

- Rochelle (27) & Boone Svenson (26)

- Kylie Anne (8)

- Isaac (5)

- Steven (25) & Rose Cairo (23)

- Dean (7)

- Bernard (5)

- Natasha (23) & Hugo Kamen(26)

- Lorna (4)

- Dunn (2)

- Logan (21) & Bethany Sims(20)

- Brianna (1)

- Phoebe (15)

- Mattie (7)


	8. Gathering, Hootenanny, or a Shindig 1

Title: Gathering, Hootenanny, or a Shindig (pt. 1)  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-18  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.  
Spoilers: The series, but not the big damn movie. Also, for _Baby on Board_, _Just Unsettlin', Nightmare Seduction,_ _Nucleus, Not Whole,_ _Mama Cobb, Tiny Thing Like That, & Family Matters_  
Summary: What is this thing, 'xactly?  
A/N: Friday was absolute hell - and as a result, I spent the entire weekend far away from my comp. But I did get cozy with a notebook and my sister's shiny new computer. The title for this part is ripped off completely from a _Buffy_ episode.

_Gathering, Hootenanny, or a Shindig (part 1)_

The crew, minus Simon, River, Kaylee, and Jayne, had returned to the ship that evening. Evie Cobb insisted that River and Simon sit a spell to discuss the wedding, and Kaylee offered to stay with them. It was nearin' 1 a.m. by the time the married Cobb children herded up their young'uns and headed on home.

Phoebe and Mattie kissed their mother and brother good-night before heading up the stairs to their rooms. Of course, they waited at the top of the stairs so they could eavesdrop.

"So, we've got some plannin' to do, such as bridesmaids an' the like," Evie said smiling.

"Planning?" Simon asked. "I assumed they would be having a small ceremony, with Shepherd Book reading the vows?"

The words were like acid in his mouth, and he found himself sickened a little bit more each time he thought of River and Jayne together. But they'd already been together, had proof of their union. Simon felt the oddly wonderful dinner the Cobb women had made rising up in protest.

"Well, a'course the preacher is gonna be the one to marry 'em. He's little River's preacher, and it's always the bride's holy man who reads over the couple. Little things need a bit of ironin' out, such as if'n your daddy's gonna come to walk her down the aisle," Evie said smiling, while giving Simon a look that all but willed him to say something contrary.

Kaylee, Jayne, and Simon exchanged looks at Evie's comment about Mr. Tam. How do you tell yer mother that the woman you're fixin' on marryin's a fugee?

"Haven't got a father, Simon'll walk me and give me away," River said quietly. "He's gone, too far removed to find. Mal and Book, they've stepped forward but it's really Simon's duty to let me go."

"Oh, I didn't - Jayne, why didn't you tell me?" Evie slapped at her son's shoulder, tears of embarrassment forming in her eyes.

"Ow, tell ya what?" Jayne yelled.

"That her daddy . . . passed on?" Evie said gently.

"I ain't never met the man, how's I supposed ta know?" Jayne snapped. River frowned and smacked him again. "Gorramit girl, whaddya do that fer?"

"Not polite to be snappy with Mother Cobb. You made her cry. Apologize."

"Apologize for what? I'm the one who got hit on twice!"

River gave him a stern look, and since Jayne'd never been one to stand seein' his mother cry, he apologized. Simon still hadn't said anything, not even an exceptance of his duty. Kaylee figgered he was trying not to think on it.

"Simon'll be glad to walk you down the aisle, River," Kaylee said brightly, her grin getting bigger just from the shocked and slightly ill look on Simon's face.

"I'd make him Maid of Honor, but he'd look silly in the dress," River sighed at Simon. Ingoring Jayne's guffaw, she turned to Kaylee. "You'll be it, won't you Kaylee?"

"Me? I'd love to be it, River."  
"We can talk this all over in the morning, I reckon we should get on to bed now. Jayne's old room's got an extra bed in it for Simon, River and Kaylee can bunk up in the girls' room. Got plenty of spare beds and probably some nightgowns for you to wear as well. Sure Phoebe's still up, so she can show you where to find 'em."

At the top of the stairs, Phoebe was pullin' on Mattie and draggin' her to their room. If'n Mama caught em they'd have extra chores for the whole week. Phoebe was mullin' over what River'd said. It didn't settle right for some reason.

"That girl Jayne's marrying sure is odd," Phoebe whispered to Mattie.

"River's nice, don't be mean on her, Pheebs," Mattie said defensively.

"She's - there's somethin' not right 'bout her, Mattie. Ain't bein' mean."

"Is too. River makes Jaynie happy. Ain't nobody made Jaynie real happy since Pop-pop died four years back. I 'member how bad he cried, don't seem right fer you to be hatin' on River when she makes him all manner a happy," Mattie said frowning.

"Oh, soak yer head," Phoebe said angrily, knowing full well _why _Jayne'd been cryin' like that last time he'd set foot on Cadence.

Mattie recoiled, watching Phoebe stomp off. Phoebe liked to be mad at the world, got shorter fused with her all the time. Cause Mattie was sick, cause Mattie got more attention, cause she was stuck bein' the responsible one.

"Mattie? What're you doin' outta bed?" River asked, restin' her hand on Mattie's shoulder.

"Phoebe got mad, didn't want to get a pillow chucked at me."

"Well, not like she'll chuck one at us, right?" Kaylee said brightly. "I'll go talk to her, make sure she's not so mad anymore, okay?"

"Thanks, Kaylee."

River sat down on the top step, her hand still on Mattie's shoulder. The girl looked sad and confused, and River had all the answers in the 'verse for her. She couldn't speak, couldn't break the silence that had formed a gap of hostility between the two 'sisters'.

"Siblings are boobs sometimes. Don't know how to say what they mean, she loves you the same."

"Yer brother ever snap at you fer no reason?"

"Yes, when I hit him."

"That's a reason," Mattie said smilin'.

"He didn't think it was."

The wedding was set for the end of the week, just three days time, with Simon walking her down the aisle. River found herself surrounded by the Cobb women each and every day planning for a wedding that grew bigger by the second. River'd been very firm on how many bridesmaids she wanted. Three, with Mattie as flower girl. The nieces and nephews weren't overly heartbroken, like Jayne most of 'em weren't keen on dressin up in frilly things. Phoebe was, which was why River'd chosen her as the third bridesmaid.

Bout the only place you could go on Cadence without hearing about the Jayne Cobb's upcomin' nuptials was on board _Serenity_. It was drivin' him as batty as his blushin', psychotic bride, bein' surrounded by all hemmin' and hawin' by the womenfolk. By the time he'd stormed up to the bridge to get to the lockers, River'd already beat him there and was chatting up Wash.

"So, you've got Kaylee and Jayne's sister. Who's your third?" Wash was asking River. She'd come up to ask him and Mal to stand up for Jayne, who wasn't eager to be a participant in all the planning.

"Zoe," River'd said calmly.

"Zoe? My _wife_?" Wash cried.

"You wanted her in a slinky dress," River shrugged.

"Slinky dress?" Wash grinned.

"I here one more word 'bout this gorram weddin', I'm gonna hafta shoot somebody," Jayne growled, ingoring the little shiver River made as he said it.

"Dewey's throwing a bachelor party," River called as he stormed off the bridge.

"Bachelor party?" Wash asked.

"Ancient ritual involving bridegrooms, vats of alcohol, and ocassionally naked women, often prostitutes and usually sticking money in their underwear," River sighed. "Often tempts husbands to do it for the last time before the ball and chain is shackled to the ring-finger. It doesn't bode well for his head."

"No, because _Jayne's_ never gotten drunk and passed out before," Wash said flatly.

"There's going to be a fight. His head will be hit with a pool cue. You'll get a fat lip, make the vids look bad," River frowned, following Jayne's direction.

"Or we could not go," Wash forced himself to laugh, because when River did that it was just a mite creepifying.

"Can't not go. It's tradition," River called over her shoulder. "Answer the wave, it's important."

"Huh?" Wash stared at her for only half a second, because an incoming wave cut him off from asking her what the hell she was talking about. "That girl is insanely frightening."

"Mother's coming home. Daddy'll be so thrilled," River muttered to herself.

The crew of Serenity hadn't spent their time idly while on Cadence. Mal'd help on the Cobb's small ranch, and thinking of his home on Shadow. Kaylee, when not busy helping with the wedding plans, set herself to workin' on any busted mechanical things. Wash did the same. Shepherd Book visited the local pastor. River spent much of her time with the Cobbs, learning as much as she could about Jayne, absorbing the memories and love that had surrounded a man more'n a few thought incapable of inspiring so much love. The only two members of _Serenity_ who'd found themselves at odds were Simon and Zoe. Simon because he was still angry and Zoe because there was little she could find herself doing. Some days she spent with the women, others with Wash or helping with the household chores.

Simon sat stiffly on the porch swing three days before the wedding. He was angry, confused, and well, angry come up more often than not. He hadn't noticed Evie until he felt the swing shift with the added weight.

"You been out here ponderin' all manner a things, doctor. Care to share 'em with an old woman?" Evie smiled, an oddly comforting thing until he remembered this was the mother of the man who was marrying his little sister.

"I'm pondering how I got my sister into this situation," Simon muttered. "How this whole mess is my fault."

"Mess? Seems to me as if little River's old enough to make her own mind up," Evie said quietly, watching the boy as he unraveled.

"Make up her own mind?"

"She chose this life, chose my Jayne to be the one for her. Wouldn't have chosen love."

"Love? You imagine that they're in love?" Simon cried. "They're not in love! River got pregnant and - and he became all - noble! There's nothing _right_ or _chosen _in it!"

Evie was quiet for a spell, and Simon feared he'd spoken on a level the woman couldn't grasp. She was _Jayne's_ mother after all. But the woman raised her eyes and looked at him in such a manner that showed more wisdom, Simon felt like eating his words.

"I know you're not fond of my Jayne. After all, you and your crew only see what he chooses to show, and he is marryin' your _mei-mei_. You see the stone-cold mercenary side that he thinks he hides from his kin. Means you don't see him at all. Jayne may not be eighteen colors of brilliant like you, but he's a good man." Evie fisted her hands tightly in her apron, and Simon felt like he ought to be ashamed. "Do you ever ask him, doctor, what made him so cold? Made him turn to bein' a hired gun, when he coulda been a farmer or a carpenter like his Pop? He won't tell you, but he's told me, so I know the full measure of my son. Mayhap it's time you got off your laurels, Simon. Cold hard truth is River chose him. She's kin, and her happiness is all that should matter to you."


	9. Gathering Hootenanny, or a Shindig two

Title: Gathering, Hootenanny, or a Shindig (pt. 2)  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-18  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.  
Spoilers: The series, but not the big damn movie. Also, for _Baby on Board_, _Just Unsettlin', Nightmare Seduction,_ _Nucleus, Not Whole,_ _Mama Cobb, Tiny Thing Like That, Family Matters, & Gathering, Hootenanny or a Shindig (part one)_  
Summary: What is this thing, 'xactly?  
A/N: There was class and thus the cut off where it happened. And have I told all my reviewers how much I adore y'all? Seriously, you guys are the shit.  
Also, I lied. Wedding'll be in the next part. Too tired to write it out tonight.

_Gathering, Hootenanny, or a Shindig (part 2)_

As much as it was good to see his kin, Jayne was startin' to go stir crazy. He'd left this gorram planet to get away from so damn much. Vera, Magistrate Weblin, the farm that would work his pop into a early grave, most likely take Dewey and Martin to theirs as well. Never been good with growin' things, never really took ta the land like the twins did, like his Ma did. Weren't no good with Mattie, not really. Hell, what kinda father'd he be anyway, life he led.

As it were, he wasn't even sure if he cared much for his intended. Last person he'd cared for weren't kin or crew'd screwed him over a bit. Vera. Damn, he wasn't supposed to keep thinkin' on her, but a boy ne'er forgets the first piece a pretty he falls for, not really. First and Last girl he'd kissed on the mouth. First girl he'd dallyed with. First he'd gotten in the family way. Only reason he'd gone to blows with his pop over.

Now the girl and Pop were long dead, and here he was back on this blasted moon with a girl half his age expectin' his twins, and his whole clan goin' ape-shit over a weddin' he could care less about.

Jayne grumbled a bit, pulled off his sweat and dirt streaked shirt. Gorrammit, he hated farmin and haulin crap up to the compost heap. Thank god, his ma'd come to her senses and got that new plumbin' system.

He kicked off his boots and socks and was working on unbuckling his pants when tiny fingers traced themselves over his back. Jayne felt his spine stiffen as the warm fingertips flickered across his skin. River slipped around to the front of him, her eyes traveling the expanse of his chest, taking in every dip and cut and wound there.

"Mine, imminent betrayal," The words were cold and heavy as she traced the puckered skin of the butcher knife wound. "From birth, do it or die," her fingers skimmed over his shoulder, the words sad, pained and fearful.

Her hands left his chest, skirted up his neck to his lips. She ran her thumb across them gently, leaving barely a feather weight on them. They traced over a scar he didn't let anyone see.

"From Vera, first time her daddy caught you kissing. Bit down hard, bled for an hour. Never could explain it," the words were gentle, understanding. But her thumb left his lip and went to the scar on his right cheek. Big, crocodile tears formed in her eyes, and he half wished she weren't a mind readin' genius. "From Pop, when you came back too late. He didn't mean it Jayne, honestly. Loved you -"

"Gorramitt, girl! Ain't nobody asked you to go diggin' up in my mind. What gives -" He growled, but River was cryin' and he had his hands on her too tight.

"He loved you, didn't mean it. Didn't mean to never say it again."

River pulled at his neck, dragging his lips down to meet hers. Jayne felt the anger slip away, let her kiss at him determined not to feel the urgency there. Didn't last long, girl was all manners a skilled when it came to kissing.

"Loved, even if you choose not to see," River whispered, breaking the kiss. "Not lost in the woods, but safe at grandmother's house."

As quickly as she'd come, the gorram girl'd left, leavin' him all manner a confused.

Ma Cobb wasn't a fool. She knew if she let Jayne's brothers plan the bachelor party the day before the wedding, nothing would go accordin' to plan. She liked her plans to work out easy peesy, so she made 'em plan for the day before the day before. Most of the menfolk were real excited. Logan'd eloped, so it'd been near three or four years since they'd had a proper wedding, with a proper bachelor party.

So at six o'clock, the men were itchin' for a good old time. They'd made their way into the Rusty Nail, the only place what had prostitutes this side of Cadence who were willing ta just strip. Wash was lookin' all manner a nervous, but that was easily got rid of with a few drinks.

The night had easily progressed into watching Jayne get more and more drunk. It was high hilarity for Mal and Wash, because Simon was getting as trashed as Jayne.

"Yer not right fer her. She's a genius, ya see. Very high end material," Simon slurred, as a girl wiggled her ass in his face.

"Her? Ain't more'n a stripper," Jayne grumbled, taking another hit.

"Not her, you man-ape gone wrong. My _mei-mei. _The one who knocked herself up with your - stuff," Simon said, slapping away the girl.

"Ya knocked up his sister, Jay?" Angus laughed, slapping Simon hard on the back. "Yer good at that, I hear."

"What?"

"First Vera, now sweetly little River. Most potent man on Cadence," Angus laughed, taking a long guzzle of his drink.

"Vera?" Mal cried, staring at Jayne oddly.

"Not my gun."

"Hell no, his old sweetie."

"Wait, you've done this _before_? Gotten a girl in the family way and then - abandoned her?" Simon shook his head, as if that would make it anymore clearer. "You bastard!"

"Not like I knew, and keep yer damn ugly nose outta my business, Angus."

"You son of a bitch!" Simon yelled.

"Don'tcha talk about my mother, you gormless lil prick!" Jayne yelled back.

"Well, if'n it ain't Jayne Cobb. Looks like wishes are horses, boys," a stranger yelled from the doorway.

"Aww, _go-se_." Jayne muttered, getting a nice eyeful of the man.

"I'm thinkin' you're gonna get hit with a pool cue and I'm gonna get a fat lip," Wash muttered, taking another drink.

"Huh?"

River kept watching the clock. Mother Cobb gave her an odd look. Her heart wasn't completely into the little bachelorette party the girls had thrown for her. As it was, the night had gone from mildly bad, to extremely worse. The rain that had been threatening to fall all day had decided to kick in, Enid and Rochelle hadn't been able to find a boy whore to do a little strip tease for River (which had disappointed and thrilled each of them), and River kept looking at the door.

At eleven forty-five, River jumped up and ran out onto the rain. A woman fairly soaked to the skin stood in the doorway, and was nearly run down by River.

"River?" Zoe called, chasing after her.

"Zoe, what's going on? Where's she going?"

"Much to do at the Rusty Nail, can't - terrible danger. Bullet to the brain pan!" River screamed.

"We can't let her go out in her condition!" Evie cried, her eyes wide with panic.

"We'll get her, Mrs. Cobb," Zoe said, dragging the woman on the porch with her, and nodding to Kaylee and Shepherd Book who'd come out of the kitchen where he'd been entertaining little Mattie.

"_That's_ Mother Cobb?"

"What's goin' on, Zoe?"

"River's talkin' crazy."

River'd run faster than she'd ever run. Her Jayne was in terrible danger, could wreck her house of cards. The Rusty Nail was all manner of calamity when she'd shoved the swinging doors open. A man was trying to hit Jayne with a very large pool stick. Wash was wincing on his back, Mal was tripping over Simon, and the Cobb brothers were busy fighting off various thugs.

"_Hun dan,_ you're the gorram reason my little cousin is dead! Ruined everythin' my uncle worked for!" The stick bearer was yelling.

"Yer uncle's the bastard!" Jayne yelled back, hurling another bottle at him.

"He's dead!"

"Don't make it any less true!"

That was when the stick connected with his head. River's mouth opened up in a silent scream and she picked up the nearest tray of drinks and cold cocked the man nearest to her. She quickly grabbed his gun, took aim and fired.

Her whole body shook with the vibration of the shot. There was one very high pitched scream, and the attackers spread to the four corners of the bar, racing out the door. The man with the pool stick lay in a pool of his own blood, howlin and clutching his leg for dear life.

River raced over to where Jayne had fallen and felt for a pulse. He lived. The great big idiot. She kissed his unconscious mouth fiercely, not that he would notice, but just to feel.

By now, Zoe and the others had arrived. Kaylee ran to Simon, Book to the brothers, and Zoe to Wash. Mal groaned as he tried to sit up. Wet hands grabbed his, and helped him to his feet. Mal blinked.

"Wash, they got strippers tha' look like 'Nara," he tried to waggle his eyes at Wash, but the lump forming over his eye prevented him from doing it. "Reckon I can get'er to strip fer me?"

"Uh, Mal -" Wash tried to stop him.

"I've told you before, Mal that I was never going to service you or any of the crew. Stripping was included."

"Inara?" Mal yelled.


	10. Floozies, Vixens and the Manner of Grief

Title: Floozies, Vixens and the Manner of Grief  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-18  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.  
Spoilers: The series, but not the big damn movie. Also, for _Baby on Board_, _Just Unsettlin', Nightmare Seduction,_ _Nucleus, Not Whole,_ _Mama Cobb, Tiny Thing Like That, Family Matters, & Gathering, Hootenanny or a Shindig (part one and part two)_  
Summary: Emotions are running high, and ties are always binding.  
A/N: Talk about life freakingly imitating art. Last night, when I went to post part two of _G,H,oaS_, this huge boom of thunder went off and scared the crap outta me. It was pouring all night long, and it had been cold but clear all night before that. So, I was freaked out at the weirdness (not that I'm saying I've got control over the weather. . .although, that would be cool).

_Floozies, Vixens and the Manner of Grief_

River raced across the half-deserted bar-room, heading straight for Jayne. She knelt beside him, taking his sluggishly bleeding head into her lap. Mal was yelling, but she ignored him and glared at the idiot holding his leg.

"Sad little peon, doomed to becoming carrion for things they cannot comprehend. Fights for misplaced honor. Lacks it. Picked the bones with little difficulty," River spat, her voice edging more towards a growl of anger.

"Moonbrain?" Jayne grumbled, blinking blood out of his eye as it trickled over his forehead. He didn't look at her, and for half a millisecond she feared. His eyes are on her 'victim'. "Thatcha?"

"That me," she crooned in response, smoothing back his bloodied hair with one hand, tracing _Pop's scar_ with the other.

"Crazy bitch! Near shot off my gorram leg for nothing!"

"**Not **_nothing_!" River yells with more strength in her voice than the crew has heard there before. "Hit my Jayne, attack my family with your callous blunt objects for revenge you don't even believe in, because you've profited. All show, no depth, no reason. You're lucky to breathe."

"Yeah, she coulda killed ya with her brain or mathematics," Jayne laughs, low and rumbling. He centers her, without knowing, but he does.

"I reckon we'll leave him to his men to deal with," Shepherd Book says, helping pull Jayne to his feet.

It's no easy task, and they stumble under his weight. Wash is leaning on Zoe's arm as the three pass, and River pokes him hard in the shoulder. He cried out, and Zoe gave her an odd and slightly threatening look.

"Meant to stop it, but he played along. The captures are going to look bad now!" Is all she says.

"Well, I'm sorry? You never said I _had_ to stop it. You can't stop the future, you know!" Wash cried at River's back.

"You _knew_?" Mal yelled, held up on one side by Logan and with a very wet Inara glaring at him.

"Not that you were gonna insult Inara. About Jayne and my lip?"

"An' Simon goin' ape-shit?"

"Ape-shit? Simon? Over what?" Kaylee asked, Simon limping beside her.

"That _cretin_ has a child by a gun!" Simon yelled.

"Shut up, Simon!" River snapped.

"Huh?"

"He has _no_ honor, he doesn't deserve -"

River had left Jayne then, slipping back to where Simon and Kaylee stood. Her hand lashed out, slapping him hard with tears in her eyes and her mouth set firmly.

"You don't know, can't understand. She would make you, if she could. Noble and true, hard to see, but there. Never speak of what you don't understand, walked in his moccasins. You call names, poke fun, and you _don't _see. You have to let me go, Simon. Let me be what I choose, or you're as bad as _them_."

Mother Cobb fretted. Not only over Jayne, because she always fretted after him, but mostly over Phoebe. The girl had gone all sullen and grumpy, and it went against her better nature. The fact that everyone was gettin' nervous over River's bolting outta her own party wasn't much help.

"Whaddya mean by 'condition'?" Phoebe asked suddenly.

"How much?" Evie asked, turning away from the doorway.

Brooke and Jasmine exchanged looks, the younger sister immediately seeking out Mattie and rushing the child from the room. Phoebe noticed this, and her face hardened in a defiant expression.

"The chit's with child?" Phoebe demanded loud enough for Mattie to hear.

"Hush, child."

"She is! Is he plannin' on leavin' _it _here like he did last time?"

"What's Pheebs talkin' about?" Mattie asked.

"_He is!_" Phoebe yelled, when Evie said nothing.

"Phoebe, leave it be. You've let the cherry wine go to yer head a bit -" Enid came forward, trying to lead her sister off.

"No! Jayne's gonna leave his little legacies behind for Mama to rear? How's tha' fair!" Phoebe jerked away sharply from her sister.

"Phoebe Jane Cobb, you better check your mouth this instant," Evie snapped, her face drawn in an expression that scared little Mattie.

"I shan't! He left Vera heavy with child and now he's gonna leave - you'll be stuck with River's baby like you're stuck with Mattie!"

"Momma?" Mattie asked, her young face rapt with confusion.

"Jasmine, take her out." But the girl didn't have a chance to move.

"Whas' goin' on?" Jayne asked, as River and Book led him through the doorway.

"You! You've done nothin' but bring grief and -" Phoebe started on an angry rant, but tears started slipping down her cheeks and her fist lashed out as words failed her. "I hate yer guts, Jayne Cobb!"

River stumbled back with Jayne's weight and the rush of the teens anger. She blinked back her own tears and watched as little Mattie's face crumbled. The girl knew the answers that were to be kept hidden and buried. She looked at Jayne with wide eyes.

"It ain't true, say it ain't Mommy?" Mattie yelled, tears in her eyes.

"Oh, baby girl," Evie whispered.

"Mommy?"

"Perhaps we should leave Mrs. Cobb and Jayne to speak with young Mattie." Book led Jayne to the sofa nearest them.

"Or mayhap we go throttle Pheebs," Brooke hissed.

"Take yer husbands and sons home, girls. Get some rest, we've got the rehersal at noon," Evie said distractedly, pulling Mattie into a tight embrace.

"I'll speak with Phoebe. The wine's gone to her head, and her heart aches," River murmured so only Evie could hear.

"She - oh, I don't know what's come over her."

"I do."

Phoebe sobbed into her pillow, feeling more than a little sick. It was too close. Pop's anniversary was coming up, and Jayne's return with a blushing and pregnant bride hit too close to the nearly eight year old memories. Memories of Pop hitting Jayne when he was confronted with his year old daughter would be forever branded in the girl's mind.

"You blame the wrong people," River stood in the doorway, her face shadowed from the small light in the hall.

"Get out!"

"You blame a child for the parents actions, blame the effect for the cause."

"Ya talk in riddle's I can't wrap my head 'round," Phoebe yelled.

"She sees the frightened girl, Jayne falling down. The man that is gone, that loved you and Mattie equal, like the others - equal in everything. Best father Mattie could have had at the time, his -"

"She _ain't _his! She's Jayne's and he's gonna put this family through hell like he did last -"

"No. Not like this at all. My children, my rules, my family. I choose."

"What're -"

"Of my making. I put in motion that which brings balance, equal sums to be figured and dispensed."

"Huh?" Phoebe stared at the girl blankly.

"Not bartered, not traded. Didn't love you less, didn't quicken his passing. Watches you, in your dreams you see him."

"But if - just maybe -" Phoebe sobbed, staring at River hoping to find an answer. When had she become the all seeing oracle, who brought comfort or despair in her wake.

"No, it wouldn't have changed a thing. Some are set in stone that can't be made to feel," River crooned, taking the trembling teen in her arms.

"I - I didn't - I'm gonna' -" Phoebe felt her hair being pulled back just before she threw up the cherry wine she'd drank.

Jayne weaved in and out of sleep. He'd been one and a half sheets to the west before the brawl, and since then he'd been hit more times'n he could count. That weren't saying much. He knew Phoebe was pissed, 'course he hadn't been 'round her growin' up as much as he had with the other kids.

"I'll explain ta you as much as I can, Mattie. Jayne's still - Jayne, yer still bleedin'!" Evie cried.

"It'll set a spell, not bleedin' too bad. Tell her, Ma," Jayne brushed his mother's worried hands away.

"Oh, well. When Jayne was growin' up here, there was a girl he fell for. Her name was Vera, and she was Magistrate Weblin's only livin' heir. Man was old, lost three a his children to terra-formin' incidents and his wife in childbirth," Evie held back from saying that it should have given them a clue that Vera'd be weak. "Now, we weren't as well off back then, house were barely finished, and yer Pop was running hisself sick workin' the wood in these parts. Jayne went to the public school house, got taught readin' and some math and worked the land to help us out. Met Vera there, and she was a pretty little thing. Took a fancy to her, and I'd hoped they'd marry one day. But Magistrate thought boy like Jayne weren't the marryin' kind for his girl, and worked right hard to get him gone. Jayne left Cadence for the rest of the 'verse when Vera'd been matched to a rich fella on the other side of the world."

"Vera? The girl in the story?" Mattie asked, her eyes solemn and all seeing. It was moment's like that he saw Vera in her. "But if she married?"

"She married, found she couldn't have children with her husband. He was old, and sickly some. She stayed with him for fifteen years, until he passed away. Jayne had come home for a wedding, saw the girl as a woman, and her father'd gone on the same year as her husband."

"She were as pretty a girl, e'en better as a woman," Jayne grinned.

"Jayne couldn't stay here long, had a job needed doing. And Vera knew that. Came to me a few months later, tellin' me she was expectin'."

"Me."

"Yes, sweetie. Begged on me not to tell Jayne, so I bit my tongue and did as she wished. Birth ain't easy. You've heard Brooke and the others moan on and were there when Bethany had little Bri a year back."

The girl nodded solemnly, knowing her mother'd passed on in childbirth. Was common on the backwater planets to be cut down by childbirth, as doctors were few and far between 'cept in the Core.

"Well, Vera weren't strong like us Cobb women. Her mamma hadn't been neither. She fought real hard, but it weren't no use. She passed on, naming you for her mamma. Waved Jayne soon as we could, but it was a year 'fore he could get back. It was me'n Pop who decided you'd be ours."

"Promised yer life'd be better'n mine. Save up credits and cash to send fer you and fer Phoebe," Jayne rubbed at his jaw. Couldn't understand why the girl'd go ape-shit, but she weren't lackin' in muscle. Threw a damn decent punch.

"You'll sleep in the room with River and Kaylee tonight, so's Phoebe can get over this fit, and then tomorrow we'll talk again."

"Okay, momma," the girl said tiredly, slipping past the familiar strangers.

Jayne could see her stop and how Kaylee took her hand. She glared over her shoulder at Simon, but pulled the little girl in her arms and led her up the stairs. Evie Cobb's face was pale with anger and sadness.

"Phoebe, - why'd she -"

"Jayne, think of what day it'll be tomorrow," Ma said quietly.

"Gorrammitt."  
"Five years, I'd hoped she'd gotten over it some, but it seems more clear to her now that he's gone and yer here for yer wedding."

"Still, don't give her the right ta do that ta little Mattie."

"Well, I - oh, I don't know." She rubbed tiredly at her face, before focusing on her son. "Yer bleedin' all over my sofa, boy. What kinda trouble you stir up at the Rusty Nail?"

"No kind! That little piece of go-se Weblin did it!"

"Hessian Weblin? Oh that no good - thought he was on the far side of the world. Who's that girl what come home wit ya?"

"Huh?"

"Dark little thing?"

"Don't know -" Jayne was cut off

"It doesn't matter, because you're never going to see me naked!"

"Who asked ya to get nekkid?"

"You did!"

"What -" Evie jumped out of her chair at this burst of yelling coming from her kitchen.

"'Nara?" Jayne slurred.

No one got to sleep early that night. Inara hit Mal a few times and they burst out into a yelling match more than once. Book, Zoe, and Evie worked on healing the collection of bruises, cuts and gashes the men had picked up in the bar. Inara took a shower. And then exhaustion kicked in. Rather than riding the mule in the rainstorm, the crew found themselves sleeping either in the old Cobb children's bedrooms or on one of the three sofas.

Jayne winced in pain when he woke up. He could smell what he thought was breakfast being made down in the kitchen. Simon must have smelt it too, because the prissified doctor was all but moanin' in his sleep.

"You boys plannin' on ever wakin' up?" Kaylee asked from the doorway.

"Why you in a dress? Goin' to another one of 'em shindigs?" Jayne yawned.

"No, well, less'n you call your rehearsal a shindig. It's in a few hours. Cap'n wondered why you two weren't up yet."

"Yet? What time is it? What day is it?" Simon moaned from the other bed.

"Nearin' five o'clock. You slept the whole day away. Figgered since you two got hurt the most at the fight you started, it might be best to let you all sleep longer. Course, Cap'n wanted to wake you up at five this mornin', like he was."  
"He was?"

"Inara and he got into another fight. He called her a whore in his sleep, and well, -"

"I missed him gettin' sumthin chucked at his head?"

"Yup," Kaylee sighed. "Why can't they ever get along? Why's there always gotta be so much hostility betwixt 'em?"

"They're runnin' hot fer each other. Both see it, just too stubborn to act on it. Not unlike some prissified big city doctors and wee little mechanics who oughta know better."

Jayne shuffled past Kaylee and headed down to the kitchen, memories of Phoebe's fight ringing clear in his head. Ma was down there, with Mattie, River, and Phoebe. The younger two girls were wrapping silverware in tight white linen napkins, and River was laughing.

Girl looked kinda cute when she was laughing. He hadn't noticed that before. River blushed, her eyes hooded as she smiled at him.

"Mornin' ladies," Jayne grinned at his women. _His _women. Felt all manner a nice to say that, or rather, think it.

"Evenin', Jayne. Girls, could you take them out to the tables yer brothers set up this afternoon?"

"Yes, Ma." Phoebe and Mattie scurried out of the kitchen as if nothin' had happened the night before.

"The fittings, Zoe's going to hate the frou-fa-rou," River slipped easily from the chair and up the stairs where Jayne could hear Kaylee and Inara laughing.

"Sit down, son. Give ya something to ease yer stomach 'afore the rehearsal."

"That don't sound good. Sendin' off the little ones, -"

"Went inta town this mornin' get some things we'd forgot to get and passed by a couple of old holo's they were takin' down. Wanted posters."

"Gorrammitt, Ma -"  
"She's a fugee, told me so herself this mornin'. Said some bad men cut on her, and that brother a hers rescued her. Not a Tam, but a Cobb - never find her that way. Her words 'course."

"Ma. . ."

"Then she told me how it weren't you who got her in the family way. She forced herself on you against your judgment. Told this to Phoebe as well." Evie laughed. "Imagine big Jayne Cobb gettin' duped by that little thing. Reminds me a your pop."

"Huh?"

"I was two months along with Brooke 'afore yer Pop gave in, after hemmin' and hawin' over me from a distance. But there was love with us. This girl, Jayne. She loves you more'n Vera did."

"Ma, she ain't seen nuff the world to know what love is," Jayne grumbled.

"No, that ain't so. Deserves love, her brother weren't wrong about that. I know you'll love on the children, the twins when they're born, but'll you love on her?"

"I - can't say."

"Better learn how to say. Girl's been through some awful things, deserves good lovin'. Now, eat on up. Got the rehearsal in a few hours."

The rehearsal went smooth enough, until Shepherd Book mentioned that Jayne and River'd requested to write their own vows.

"But I ain't good with words!" Jayne had snapped.

"They'll come when you need them," River had whispered.

Inara and Mal'd been civil to each other, which weren't sayin' much. The night sped onward, and Jayne spent half of it scratching out bits of nothing on a piece of paper. The womenfolk had all bunkered down at the Cobb home, and the menfolk had been shuffled off to _Serenity_.

Morning came, and he still didn't know what the hell he was gonna say about this girl. He wore one of his Pop's old dress coats Ma'd been working on all week to fit him. His Pop had been big, but Jayne was a bit bigger than him. Mal and Wash wore coats and ties, their boots all shined up like Jayne's knives. His sisters all wore pink, cept for Phoebe and Mattie. First one down the aisle was Zoe, in a deep red slinky dress that had Mal blinking, and Wash grinnin' ear to ear. Phoebe followed next, in a lighter red dress with a bit of frills and flounces on it. Then came little Mattie in a pale red dress and little roses being thrown from a woven basket.

Jayne grinned at this, even though his knees were shaking. His knees never knocked like this. The music changed, and everybody got to their feet. Kaylee stood in front of River in a dress nearly as fancy and frilly as the one she'd worn to that shindig Mal'd gotten in a brawl at. His eyes weren't focused on her for long, because Simon, dressed much like he'd been when they'd picked him up on Persephone was holding out his arm for River. The girl stepped forward, her long dark hair done up in some intricate fashion that Inara must have done for her. Her dress was white, and once again bore the touches of Inara and his mother. Her eyes were hidden behind a half veil, but she smiled at him. Simon led her forward as the Brautchor played on.


	11. Miles to Go Before I Sleep

Title: Miles to Go Before I Sleep  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-18  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.  
Spoilers: The series, but not the big damn movie. Also, for _Baby on Board_, _Just Unsettlin', Nightmare Seduction,_ _Nucleus, Not Whole,_ _Mama Cobb, Tiny Thing Like That, Family Matters, Gathering, Hootenanny or a Shindig (part one and part two), & Floozies, Vixens and the Manner of Grief_  
Summary: Here comes the bride. . .  
A/N: So I gave you half a wedding. . . this part is partially flashbacks during the prep time for the wedding. Because of all the drama in the last part, I couldn't fit it in then, so here it is.

_Miles to Go Before I Sleep_

The Cobb house had been emptied of men on the day of the wedding at six in the morning. Except of course for the preacher, whom Evie seemed to develop a little crush on. It was precious, at least to Kaylee. Jayne found it creepifying, and well, Book blushed a bit.

"Ain't natural, my mother getting all giddy 'round Shepherd Book," Jayne commented to his groomsmen as they finished getting all spiffy for the ceremony.

"What ain't natural is that you look halfway civilised in a _suit_. I find that more than a bit creepifying," Wash said thickly, due to his swollen lip. It'd gone down a bit, but it still looked ugly.

"He _does _clean up well, it's disturbing," Simon grumbled.

"I'll take that half-assed compliment," Jayne laughed, and then immediately winced. His head was bruised in at least two spots.

"Are they being _civil_ together?" Wash moaned.

"Quit it you two, you're givin' us the heebie-jeebies. Half expect ya'd be marriyin' Simon ruther than his sister today," Mal said, fixing his tie. "I hate these things."

"Weddings can be fun, don't discourage the man just because you called Inara a stripper," Wash laughed.

"Well, if the _description _fits. She strips to fer her clients don't she?"

"Can we not get into this discussion, I'm feeling ill already," Simon muttered, watching as Jayne groomed.

"As I was saying, weddings can be fun. Sure there's that feeling of utter insecurity and a vague 'oh god, why _me_' but other than that -"

"And all the sexin' ya can get in the clear anytime you want," Logan, Jayne's youngest brother who was standing up, laughed.

The four other men didn't say anything for the rest of the time concerning the benefits of weddings or married life.

At five o'clock, as the sun was beginning to set Jayne stood in the yard. He cut a handsome figure in his Pop's old suit coat. The Cobb sisters were the first guests in place, sitting on the brides set of benches Jayne remembered his father making when he was just a boy. Pop had always been good with his hands, good at making things. Kinda like he were there in a way.

The Cobb sisters all dressed in pink, with their hair done up and flowers in their hands. The nieces all wore white and the nephews wore black. Jayne knew it was his mother's touch. Few folk from town came, just his mother's old lady friends. They sat on the groom's side, which just made Jayne shudder in fear.

Inside the Cobb home, Inara was putting the finishing touches on River's hair. Truth be told, she never thought she'd make it on time, but as she had told Mal, the Companion Training House had excellent couriers.

"You look simply beautiful, bao-bei," Inara sighed, a smile on her lips.

"Good of you to come, needed you here. Was missing, off key without you," River smiled, her hand resting gently on her hidden stomach. "Had to take measures, precautions, or else our family would have been torn asunder."

"River, sweetheart?"

"Would have lost him, like we lost you. Would have quarreled, and been gone when we needed him most," River murmured.

"Who are you - are you talking about Jayne?"

"Jayne, Wash, Simon, Mal, Book. Were lost without your guidance, lost boys looking for a mother. Never grow up, never leave the Valley, so lost without the beacon, the signal of hope. Hope that he could be something better," In that instant, Inara knew the girl wasn't talking about the Mercenary.

"Mal -"

"We're nearly ready, girls. Simon's come back to fetch River." Zoe said, smiling in the dress River had picked for her.

"Time to go, many miles before we can rest. Before we sleep."

"Everything okay, Inara?" Zoe asked as they left the room River was dressing in.

"No, it's not. I can't believe she's marrying Jayne Cobb," Inara laughed to hide the confusion the girl's words had caused in her mind.

"Threw us all for a loop when she told us. Actually, when _he_ told us. Never thought I'd see him find a -"

"Ladies, it's time. Ms. Serra if'n you'll take your seat?"

River sat with her hands clasped tightly together when Simon came in the room. She smiled at him. He was struck by how beautiful his baby sister was. And the thought that Jayne did not deserve her crossed his mind _again_.

"I love you, Simon."

"I love you too, _mei-mei_."

"Be happy for me," she begged.

"_Are_ you happy, River?" Simon asked, hoping she would say no, that she would give up this game.

"Yes. Everything is fully functioning, I feel and think like a girl and the bits are staying down. Be happy Simon, that's all I need."

"If - do you?"

"Do I love him?" River whispered, looking down at her hands.

"Do you?"

The room was silent for several seconds, and Simon hoped she would say no. It wouldn't make him happy, but it would make some kind of sense for him. If she were doing this out of guilt or fear he could understand.

"I do," her voice is stronger, and he will become complacent with her answer.

"It's nearly time," is all he can bring himself to say.

Zoe fingers the blue pendant in her hand as River leaves the room. The soldier smiles at the girl and River looks at it.

"Tradition?"

"That's right, little one. Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. Wash gave this to me after our first successful job."

Zoe held out the blue carved bird pendant that looked a bit like _Serenity_. The old brown leather cord that it had hung on had been replaced with a new white strip of leather. River smiled brightly.

"Old, new, borrowed and blue."

"Figured it save on time finding four things," Zoe shrugged.

"Thank you."

"Time to go, Zoe," Kaylee cried excitedly.

Phoebe and Mattie followed Zoe down the aisle. Kaylee pecked her quickly on the cheek before she made her way out the door. Simon stood just outside the door as she tied the necklace around her throat. He smiled at her, and she smiled back.

The wedding march played on.

Simon felt the lump rise in his throat as they made their way through the yard to the preacher. He felt slightly nauseous. River dug her nails into his arm, giving him a hooded warning look. Then came the moment he dreaded.

"Who gives this woman away?" Book asked quietly.

"I do," Simon said stiffly.

"Kiss my cheek and sit down by Inara," River said quietly when he hadn't moved.

"Yes. Take care of her, Jayne," Simon murmured, giving River's hand to the bigger man.

Shepherd Book went through the formalities of the ceremony, giving a lively sermon as to the importance of the bonds of marriage. Mal looked bored during the sermon until Wash casually kicked him in the calf.

Then came the time the entire crew, even Simon, were looking forward to hearing. Jayne's vows. As of this morning, he still didn't know what he was gonna say, and had said as much to Mal and Wash. River would speak second, probably so's she could show him up.

"Jayne and River have decided to write their own vows. Jayne?"

"Um, well, I ain't so good with words. Don't normally find much use fer 'em," he coughed, looking River in the eyes.

"Is he reusing his speech from _Canton_?" Wash hissed.

"Seems he might -" Mal was cut off by Jayne's hand swinging back into his stomach.

"As I were sayin', I ain't got nuff schoolin' in my life to know enough big words that mean a whole lot and can string together fer you. I'm a simple kinda guy, and I reckon I got somethin' I prolly don't deserve, and Simon'll be the first to say so. Ain't a good, kind man, no matter what Ma'll try and tell ya, but you seen that and you still picked me. I got enough brains to know that if someone as _special_ as you sees something in me, something good nuff to choose all a this - well, I'm glad you did." There was a pregnant pause as the crew sat back. Jayne cleared his throat and looked at the preacher, who was as shocked as the rest of the crew. "That's it."

"Um, yes. And River?"

"Mine aren't as pretty," she said grinning, tears in her eyes..

"That's quite alright, my dear," Book smiled, and the guests gave a quiet laugh.

"Never knew, when I first saw you that you'd be the one my thread in life would be bound to," River said, looking deeply into his eyes. "Didn't see what made the man that you were, saw fragments and too far between to know it all. Saved me from the dark places in all your simplicity, more than the rest. Teased you because I could, and knew you wouldn't do anything too severe. Nothing I couldn't handle. Clouded judgment followed by perfect clarity. Chose you, this, in a world of no choices. You gave me a voice, a weapon to use. An anchor in the storm." Her voice trembled, and Jayne feared she'd start crying. But she smiled, "And Jayne is _definitely_ not a girl."

Simon snorted, his laugh building. It was infectious, and soon the whole yard was in an uproar of laughter. When they'd all recovered from it, Shepherd book continued.

"By the power granted to me by God and before these witness, I pronounce you Man and Wife. You may kiss the bride, son."

Jayne coughed again and hesitantly moved forward, planning on a quick peck on the lips. But River merely sighed and snuck forward, pulling the large man down to kiss him fiercely. She kissed until she felt his lips responding. One hand cupped her face and the other dipped around to the small of her back. River sighed, and Jayne was sure he felt it slide through him, settling deep in his stomach.

The sun had set by the time the food had been set down and the wedding guests were enjoying the food and liquor. Somehow, they made it through the dinner when someone brought out a guitar. Soon there was dancing and laughing, and Jayne felt himself being tugged up by River who insisted they dance as Man and Wife.

"Aww, girl I ain't skilled at dancing," Jayne moaned.

"Lucky that I am," River grinned, pulling him harder.

She pulled him close and was content to let him simply sway as if they were both still children at their first dance. She danced with everyone, with Mattie and Phoebe. Simon, Mal, Wash, and Book were all treated to several turns. However, she kept slipping away from them and leaving them mostly in Kaylee, Inara, Zoe and Evie's capable hands. She danced with his brothers, and his sisters' husbands, his nephews and nieces. But she wasn't content until she was in his arms, which made him all manner of confused.

"Safe. Best partner in the 'verse," River murmured against his chest.


	12. Come a Little Closer

Title: Come a little Closer  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-18  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.  
Spoilers: The series, and for _Baby on Board_, _Just Unsettlin', Nightmare Seduction,_ _Nucleus, Not Whole,_ _Mama Cobb, Tiny Thing Like That, Family Matters, Gathering, Hootenanny or a Shindig (part one and part two), Floozies, Vixens and the Manner of Grief, & Miles to Go Before I Sleep_  
Summary: Come a little closer baby, I feel like lettin' go. . .  
A/N: Yes, I ripped off a Dierks Bentley song. But it's such a Rayne song. . .I think I've listened to one too many Rayne mixes. g Also, I _suck_ at smut. Seriously. I've never gotten any good smut - not even when I've purposely set out to do smut. The one fic where I went to write smut turned into a half-naked bathroom scene and the characters _just talked_. It was bad. Which is why it took so very long to write the wedding night.

_Come a Little Closer_

River loved dancing. It was almost as natural as breathing. Jayne hated it. Reminded him of his mother teaching him and Brooke how to dance when they were little and she was pregnant with Enid or the twins. River smiled as the memory slipped as if through his skin and into her mind. His sway was comforting and warm.

"Dance with Phoebe," River said suddenly.

"I ain't dancing with the whole ruttin' -"

"You need to speak, and dancing makes your brain work better," River sighed. "Very important to mend the fences."

"Ain't no fences to be mended, girl."

River gave him a look. He really wasn't paying attention. Across the way, she could see Phoebe dancing with a boy who would only hurt her, and Jayne was blind to it.

"Dance with Phoebe." River urged, pushing herself away. "Mend the fences she can't understand."

"I already said there ain't -"

"He's a liar and a cheat and he'll only hurt her, leave her bleeding."

"Huh?"

"That boy is _not _a honorable man. He will take her gift and leave her bleeding."

"Gift?" Jayne thought he was understanding her, but his eyes had flickered to the gift table and River groaned.

"THE gift, Jayne. The joyous gift of copulation."

"Copu-what?"

"Sex, Jayne. He's going to take her gift and leave her bleeding," River said this very slowly, hoping he finally got it.

"I'd be better off beatin' the shit outta that little _hundan_ -" Jayne would've clenched his fists, but her hand was still in his.

"No, only send her to him faster. Dance with her. Go."

Jayne didn't exactly want to hash things out with Phoebe right now, and he was actually enjoyin' dancing with Moon-Brain, but he didn't want whatever she was fearin' to happen to his sister. He recognized the little piss-pot the second he laid eyes on him. He was not-so-distant kin to old Magistrate Weblin, and considerin' the bad blood between the Cobb and Weblin families it didn't bode well fer his little sister.

Phoebe was giggling in her pretty dress, her hand pressed a mite too casual on the little piss's chest. He was tuggin on her like she were a rag doll. The girl froze when she saw Jayne glaring at him.

"Pheebs, ya ain't danced with me yet," Jayne tried to say casually, while still glaring at the boy who seemed to go stiff at the sight of the merc.

"Jayne, I's just fixin to dance with Billy," Phoebe said, looking away from her brother.

"Aw, pup can wait. It's my weddin' what got you all frilled up, so I think ya can spare a dance fer me," Jayne said conspiratorially, smacking the guy hard on the chest. "Right, Billy-boy?"

"Y-yes, sir, Mr. Cobb." The boy visibly swallowed, and Jayne only smirked before wrapping an arm around his sister.

Phoebe elbowed him hard in his stomach, but Jayne didn't really care. They were playing a lively song filled with lots a complicated steps. So, like always, Jayne made up his own steps.

"What in the Sam hell is this about? Cause I don't reckon you'd want to be speakin' to me after what I did," Phoebe said glumly as Jayne yanked her around the make-shift dance floor.

"Well, I can't say it were a good thing ya did ta little Mattie. Ain't deserved it, she's a good kid."

"Everybody's favorite little person," Phoebe sighed.

"But I think I can wrap my head round the why, and it's prolly my fault."

"Huh?"

"Weren't fer me, Mattie wouldn't be here, and you'd get treated a bit better, being the baby and all," Jayne hugged his sister closer, knowing she was close to flying.

"No, - that jus' makes me sound like a brat, Jaynie." Phoebe pouted, leaning her head on her brother's chest.

"Well, ya are."

"Jayne Cobb, you take that back!" Phoebe pinched his arm hard, seeing as she was too close to punch him properly.

"Gorrammit, girl!" But he chuckled. "Yer a good kid, Pheebs. Just got stupid fer a second, happens to us all."

"I'm sorry, Jayne. I was mad, and - "  
"Don't gotta apologize ta me. Ain't done me much harm. Ma and Mattie are hurtin', and would 'preciate yer company. Been spending the whole party with that pup," Jayne nodded to where Billy was glaring at him.

"Ma won't be too angry?" Phoebe chewed her lip nervously.

"Naw, she don't hold grudges."

"Praise Budda, if I had ta spend 'nother second with Billy the Hand, I think I mighta puked," Phoebe laughed, genuinely smiling for the first time since Jayne had come home.

"I'll go make yer excuses," Jayne muttered as he watched his sister run off to the table his mother sat at. He glared back at the little puddle of piss who was glaring back at him.

He stalked over to the boy, who backed up in fright. Then he smiled. Hadn't had a decent spot of violence in a good long time. Time to use his intimidatin' manner.

"Where'd Pheebs go?" Billy tried to say, while backing up all casual-like.

"Billy boy, gotta have a word with ya, ya little party-crasher," Jayne grabbed him roughly by the collar, nuff so's to scare him.

"Sir - I ain't -"

"Shut up. Now, ya look at me and say I ain't armed, on a count a my wedding and such."

"No -"

"I ain't finished talkin' at you," Jayne said with a smile. "Now, I reckon my pretty little wife's the only one ta know I got a pretty little Maguire strapped to my ankle. Like to tell ya bout that gun. Made for only a year, bout sixteen years back. Delicate looking thing, but packs a powerful punch. Named it Phoebe, on account a it reminded me a my baby sister. Come within fifty yards a my sister again, and I'll show ya what my little Phoebe can do to a pile a piss like yerself. Dong ma?"

Billy gulped, his eyes large with fear. Jayne figgered the boy'd already wet hisself. He nodded feebly, and Jayne let him go.

"Git gone," Jayne barked, and the boy ran as fast as he could.

Jayne laughed so hard, his eyes began to water. He shook his head and turned back to the party. He caught River's eyes as she danced with Mal. She smiled brightly at him, and Jayne felt his own smile slip a bit. She musta known he called her pretty. Hell, weren't the first time he'd called her cute. Weren't like it were some brand new revelation that she was a good lookin' woman. 'Course it were the first time he'd a thought a her as having bed-mate potential since before Ariel. Hell, it were his weddin' night. It was the first time since his first time that Jayne got a bit nervous bout havin' sex.

River was looking forward to making it official, as Mother Cobb kept saying. The woman knew that River had practically raped Jayne in order to get what was needed. He'd been the logical choice. Any issue created between them would have his simplicity and strength to guide them. Beautiful babies. Children, dopples. Yin and Yang.

The wedding night would bare complications. Jayne had never slept with a pregnant woman, and if he had, she hadn't been far along. And his thoughts were slipping to the special Hell. River frowned. She'd have to have a word with the Shepherd.

"Ya listening, River?" Mal asked, looking down at her.

"He fears, fears it won't be pleasant. I can make it very pleasurable," River said pensively.

"Ah, I didn't need to hear that," Mal groaned.

"You're incorrigible," River sighed.

The song ended, but Jayne didn't come back. Dancing lost its appeal, and darkness began to get heavier. She sat with Wash, Book and Mother Cobb, and Jayne stood as far away from her as he could. Not going the distance, not ending the void. It hurt her, more than she would have thought.

"Jayne were so proud a that green sash he'd got fer spellin' that he went to bed with it for two whole months. Proudest moment in his young life, even got him a kiss from the Magistrate's daughter," Evie said smiling.

"Jayne got a sash for _spellin'_?" Wash cried.

"Best third-grade speller in the entire colony, back when Cadence were just a colony," Evie nodded.

"How - quaint."

River stared at Wash for a moment. Something had changed in him, and she couldn't put a finger on it. She smiled, as her eyes landed on Zoe just three feet behind him, laughing with Kaylee and Inara. A single word slipped through her lips.

"Marie."

"What was that?" Wash asked suddenly.

"She'll be beautiful, funny and tough. She'll make you proud, first in her class."

"Who'll do all that -" Wash asked, glancing over at where River was looking. "Are you - no, we can't - we aren't ready -"

"Not yet, but I tell you so you'll act on it in the _right _way. Don't stand back, make it happen."

"Are you telling me to have sex with my wife?" Wash asked quietly.

"Yes, Wash."

"Speakin' a sex," Evie said brightly, causing Book to choke a bit on his drink. "You alright, Shepherd Book?"

"I'm fine, you were, um, saying?"  
"Oh, yeah, we got a nice little place fer you and Jayne ta spend yer weddin' night, River. My Al built a tiny little cabin fer us when we first were wed, and before the house was finished. Jasmine and I went out to clean and air it yesterday, so it's ready fer you two."

Wash opened his mouth to speak, but River gave him a look that reminded him of Jayne at his grumpiest. He bit back the retort and just smiled.

"Usually, the couple takes off 'round this time, and -"

"I'll gather the husband to me, be the furrow to his plow," River said serenely, ignoring the choking sounds coming from Wash, Book, and Mal, who'd just joined them. "Rather have me say puff up her cheeks and blew out the night sky?"

"Huh?" Evie asked, her eyes searching the faces of the three men. Wash and Mal were blushing, but Book looked the most disturbed.

"You channelin' Yo-Saff-Bridge?" Mal asked, frowning.

"It's on your minds," River sighed. "I need Jayne."

River rose from the table, letting them all think about what they wanted to. Her mind was on the man who wedded her and was now having qualms about bedding her properly. He'd hadn't any contact besides himself for the past six months. Hadn't been on a world long nuff to get any, couldn't really remember when he had gotten it. Not fair.

"Time to go, place all set aside for us," she whispered in his ear.

Jayne jumped a bit, and the men around him all laughed. Until Jayne glared at them, and then they hid their grins behind cups and hands. River gave them a look before taking Jayne's hand in her own and tugging on it.

"You can use the mule," Mal called, toasting the couple from his seat.

"My mule?" Wash asked, concern washing over his face. Zoe just kissed his forehead, and Wash was all smiles again.

"Your mule?" Mal, however didn't want to drop it.

"I'm the one who always _drives _it."

"Same could be said 'bout _Serenity_, and you sure as hell don't own her!"

"Yes, but I love the mule, I'm thinking about naming her _Marie_," Wash grinned.

"That is a mighty pretty name, husband," Zoe cut off any response Mal was tempted to make.

"You like?"

"Mm-hmm," Zoe said kissing his cheek, a suggestive smile on her lips.

"Yeah?"

"Ugh, can you two do that someplace else?" Mal groaned.

Jayne followed her like a child, letting her guide him to where Wash had left the mule. She let go of his hand and climbed carefully onto the back, patting the seat for him to take. He cleared his throat before climbing on. His Ma handed him the key to the cabin and kissed him on the cheek before hugging River.

"Have a good night, sweetling!" Evie cried, brushing away the tears.

"Have good sex!" Kaylee cried, and River laughed at Simon's gawking face.

"Have good sex?"

"What's so wrong 'bout a couple havin' good sex?"

"Now we'll all have images a Jayne and River sexin' each other up?" Mal said shuddering, Simon mimicking his actions a second later.

"I didn't need to hear that, Captain," Simon muttered.

"Speakin' a sex, you ready to tear this slinky dress off me, husband?" Zoe grinned.

"Ugh!" Mal groaned, taking a deep drink of his liquor.

"One of the pleasures of not being -" Inara started to say with a smile on her lips.

"I'm sick a hearin' about how everyone's gettin' sex, don't make me a prude. Jus' don't want images of my crew doin' a naked dance all over my gorram ship."

"A naked dance? Like ya did when Saffron left ya naked on -"

"Kaylee, go sex up the doc," Mal snapped.

"Excuse me?"

River didn't hear much more of this, because Jayne chose that second to gun the engine of the mule, much to Wash and Kaylee's protests. She looped her arms tightly around his stomach and pressed her body tightly to his back. Jayne's spine stiffened suddenly, and River nearly blushed as she felt his stomach tense.

The drive took about twenty minutes, and the route hadn't changed much in the past twenty years. It'd been about that long since he'd last gone to the cabin his Pop had built. Last time he'd been there, it'd been with Vera. She'd told him then, with big tears in her eyes that she was gettin' hitched. Then his pop had come, scared her off.

River's eyes clouded over with tears. Her simple Jayne wasn't so simple. He was scarred and molded and made this way by fickle fate. Yet, her tears wouldn't help him heal. She hadn't known he'd needed healing just as much as she did.

"Ma said there's a nice big bed here, now. Weren't much when I was a young'un. Pop couldn't afford ta furnish both, and the house got most a it," Jayne explained, unlocking the antique lock. Turned with an actually key, not a key and ident card, like the Tam Estate had.

"Big enough for two," River said, picking her delicate hem up off the dusty path.

She paused just in front of the steps that led up to the cabin. It was much smaller than the Cobb home, but big enough for a small family of four. Big enough for Al, Evie, little Brooke and baby Jayne. Big enough for Jayne, River, and the unknown issue. Jayne turned back to her, and she could see the shadow of the boy who'd lived here for three years. The toddler, the infant, the teen who'd said his first good-byes here.

"Hello," she breathed, staring up at him.

"What're you waitin' for?"

"Tradition."

"The threshold one?" Jayne muttered.

"Yes."

Jayne grimaced, but hurried off the small porch and gingerly scooped her up into his arms. She smiled as she draped her arms around his next, sending her fingertips up into his neatly combed hair. She sighed, content for a moment.

And then he set her on her feet. He shut the door carefully, as if the tiniest noise would shatter the cabin into a thousand tiny bits. As if he'd shatter her.

"We ain't gotta do nothing, just cuz them hecklers said so," Jayne muttered, but his thoughts said otherwise.

"Yes, we must give into peer pressure, otherwise things could go very bad. I've seen it," she hadn't, but Jayne didn't know that. "Pressure points close to bursting, too long out in the black without touching. Essential to breathing, the touch."

River spun around as if she were dancing, and crept upon him as if these steps had been rehearsed to no end. Jayne stood still, the muscles in his neck throbbing as his blood pulsed. The rhythm was steady, and true. River stood nearly on top of him, backing him against the door. The lanterns flickered, casting shadows over his face and drowning hers in darkness. She didn't go for his lips, that would remind him too much of _her_, and River wanted him to be focused on the girl that was, not the one who'd left. River kissed his pulse point, her lips and tongue tasting the sweat and her nose taking in the scent of borrowed cologne. She kissed his jaw line, the corners of his mouth. His heart beat faster, his breath shaky as she drew her lips away. He still hadn't touched her.

She moved his limbs as if he were a mannequin, placing his left hand on her hip and bringing his right to her face. Jayne looked at her as if he'd never seen her before, as if everything that had happened in the last two years hadn't. Clean slate, fresh start.

"Touch me, Jayne," River whispered.

"Uh," was all he said before her fingers moved to push off his coat.

It was off and his shirt was halfway off before Jayne realized it. She went back to kissing on his face, and Jayne moved for the first time since she'd said they'd hafta give into peer pressure. He reached up to the zipper on her dress and gently pulled it down as River's mouth found his collar bone. Her skin was bare beneath the white dress, and smoother than the last girl he'd been with. _She'd _been riddled with scars and the like, but River was smooth and soft. Her lips worked their way down, and her fingers curled into his chest hair, gingerly tracing his scars.

He didn't know how they got away from the door his back'd been pressed into, but somehow they'd made it to the bed. River shoved him back, her dress slipping off her shoulders. The collar fell forward and her shoulders were bare as her fingers worked to undo his belt. Jayne stopped her then, taking her hands in his left.

"I got it, sweetling," Jayne grinned, sending shivers up her spine. He quickly undid his pants and kicked them off before letting go of her hands.

He leaned back on the firm mattress, his head propped against the headboard as he let her go. The dress slithered down her body, and she lowered her eyes, her face blushing prettily. Girl were forward enough to get a man under the influence and use her wiles on him, but face to face she was shy, coy almost. River smiled, and he knew she'd been readin' his mind.

"Confidence is a right pretty thang," Jayne murmured as he leaned forward, kissing her pulse. One hand rested gently on her belly, the other cupped her face as he pulled her down with him.

When River woke the next morning, she was freezing. Her body was pushed all the way back against the wall, and the bed was empty save herself and the old quilt Mother Cobb had made when she'd been pregnant with Jayne. The lanterns had gone out, and the sun was peaking through the curtains, but Jayne was gone. Panic flittered through her as she clutched the blanket tightly around her naked body. She sat up quickly, peering into the kitchen area.

"Jayne?" she whispered, fearing the worse.

"Wha'?" A voice mumbled from the floor.

She crept on her knees to the edge of the bed only to find Jayne curled up naked on the floor with one of the pillow covers wrapped around his shoulders. She giggled.

"Wha's so funny?"

"Comfy?"

"Aw, gorrammitt, girl, ya kicked me outta bed!" Jayne grumbled, jumping up and burrowing back into the blankets. "Go back to sleep, and don't kick me outta bed again."

"Never did, you're just restless," River sighed, letting sleep take her over.


	13. Don't Worry Bout a Thing

Title: Don't Worry 'Bout a Thing  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-18  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.  
Spoilers: The series, and for _Baby on Board_, _Just Unsettlin', Nightmare Seduction,_ _Nucleus, Not Whole,_ _Mama Cobb, Tiny Thing Like That, Family Matters, Gathering, Hootenanny or a Shindig (part one and part two), Floozies, Vixens and the Manner of Grief, Miles to Go Before I Sleep, & Come a Little Closer_  
Summary: Don't worry bout a thing, I'm sure everything is just fine.  
A/N: Because they were just a little too sugary-sweet for me.  
A/N2: Okay, I was seriously on a roll, and then some idiot pulled my dorm's fire alarm - _AGAIN_! Second time in like five days. Some one pulled it last Thursday at 4:26 and someone pulled it tonight at 3:10. grrr.

_Don't Worry 'Bout a Thing_

Mal felt like he needed mass amounts of alcohol to scrub his brainpan clean of the images of his crew being nekkid and naughty. Inara only batted her eyes knowingly at him. Mal glowered. Jayne and River'd been gone all night, and Simon had gotten good and drunk. None of the crew had managed to get back to the ship 'cept for Wash and Zoe, so the next morning had found them all crowded around the big table in the Cobb kitchen.

"Don't even think about it, you'll get no sympathy from me," Inara was saying when he entered.

"What'd I do?" Mal asked, immediately on the defensive.

"I was talking to Kaylee, not you," Inara replied, taking a sip of her juice.

"Wha'd Kaylee do?"

"Made a right fool of myself. I ain't allowed to drink no more, Cap'n," The girl moaned.

"It was . . .interesting." Inara smiled, glancing up at Mal.

"What was interestin', Miss Serra?" Mattie asked, skipping into the kitchen.

"Not so loud, lil' Cobb. My head -"Mal groaned, taking the coffee Phoebe offered him. "Thank you kindly, bigger lil' Cobb."

Phoebe blushed and smiled shyly at him, before helping her mother set the food on the table. Mattie was looking up expectantly at Inara, who had one of them know-it-all grins on her face.

"What?"

"Nothing," Inara batted her lashes again at him before turning to the girl. "Sweetie, it really wasn't much."

"I always miss th' good stuff," Mattie sighed, helping herself to some of the omelet.

"What was interestin'?" Mal grinned, noticing Simon's pained expression. Mattie perked right up and yanked Mal's plate from his hands, giving him a large portion of the omelet. Mal's grin widened. Kid was halfway cute, even if she were Jayne's kid.

"Just Simon getting drunk and insultin' me _AGAIN_." Kaylee huffed.

"You ain't learned yet, doc?" Mal laughed.

"I said I was sorry, Kaylee. To be fair, my mind really wasn't on you," Simon cried, then winced in pain. Obviously he forgot about his hang-over headache.

"That ain't helpin' matters, brother," Phoebe snorted, placing the juice pitcher in front of him.

"Brother?" Simon said flatly.

"You're kin now, doc," Mal laughed. "Jayne married your sis, and that kinda makes you her brother."

"Good thing I didn't go and develop a crush on ya, doc. It'd be sorta wrong. Not cuz you ain't pretty," Phoebe smiled. "Must be all that Core livin' what made you so frightfully pale. That and livin' out in the black."  
"Dontcha ever let 'em run on the world when you make deliveries, Cap'n?" Mattie asked.

"Girls, stop pickin' on yer new brother. Ain't fair game," Evie sighed, taking the bacon out of the pan. "Here ya go, Malcolm, nice and crisp. Inara dear, would you care for some? Kaylee? Shepherd?"

They all greedily dug into the food, a nice change from the protein meal packs they were used to. Evie made enough for everyone and even ordered Simon, who she took under her wing as a son, to take Wash and Zoe some breakfast.

"Excuse me?"

"Did I stutter, son? That couple needs all the energy what's to get, 'specially considerin' what they's up to right now." Evie's eyes sparkled. "To be that in love, well, takes me back to when me and my Al got hitched. Always tearin' at each other - always starvin'. Spent most a our first years a married life either in the kitchen or the bedroom."

Simon, Phoebe, and Mal's food all hovered inches from their mouths as Evie spoke. The three groaned nearly all at the same time, and dropped their forks and chopsticks. Kaylee and Inara only smiled, Mattie looked confused and Shepherd Book blushed.

"My Al was -"

But Evie was cut off by the sound of approaching hoof beats. She frowned and pushed back the curtain over the window. Her face went blank and she quickly dropped the curtain.

"Mattie, go show Simon my sewin' room," Evie said quietly. "Show him the special place, _dong ma_?"

"Yes, Mama," Mattie's face paled and she tugged on Simon's arm until the man gave in and followed her.

"Mrs. Cobb?" Mal asked.

"Nothin' to fret over, just local lawman's comin' and what with Simon bein' a fugee, I reckon it's best if'n he says hidden," Evie said quietly. "Phoebe, sweetlin' go fetch Zoe and Wash, bring 'em back here."

"I could -" Kaylee offered.

"No, might need you here, Phoebe take the Chester Logan taught you to use."

"Yes, Mama."

"Evie? Is everything alright?"

"Course, Preacher. Just reckon it'd be good to have 'em here and informed."

She put on a big smile and stepped out onto the back porch. One hand went up to block the sun out of her eyes and the other went to her hip. One of the riders held his hand up in a short wave, and Evie smiled and waved back.

"Mornin', Sheriff. Whadda we owe this pleasure to?" Evie called.

"Mornin', Evie. Heard you folk had quite the weddin' last night. It true?"

"That someone got hitched? Yes, sir, Sheriff. My oldest boy, Jayne got hitched last night. Girl he met out in the black," Evie replied.

Sheriff Lukas Khang had known Evie since he was a boy, and had grown up with the younger Cobb boys, but this wasn't about knowing them. Jayne Cobb was a legend on this half a Cadence. Evie had a nice rep on this world, same went for most a her kids. Only Jayne had ever been a real hell raiser. But this was business. Lukas couldn't be swayed by his affection towards the Cobb family.

"Really? Oughta congratulate the old dog. What's her name?" Lukas asked.

"Rita Frye, sister to the mechanic on the boat he flies with," Evie smiled sweetly. "'Fraid Jayne ain't here sheriff, out on his honeymoon, like any decent husband. If he's anything like Al was, he'll be keepin' her abed for a while. Days maybe."

Mal shuddered at the thought and Evie looked over her shoulder. Kaylee was looking nervous. Evie nodded toward the coffee pot and tin cups hanging over the counter.

"Can I offer you boys some coffee? Sure is mighty early for y'all to be out congratulating newlyweds."

"We'll kindly take some coffee, Mrs. Cobb."

"Kaylee, hon, care to bring that coffee out?"

"Yes, Mama Cobb," Kaylee said smiling.

"Sheriff, why don't you and yer boys sit down a spell. My girls'll get yer coffee."

"Thank you kindly, Mrs. Cobb," Lukas smiled back.

Kaylee hopped down the steps, handing the pot to Evie. Kaylee set the six cups down and quickly took the pot back. She poured for the Sheriff and his deputies and then poured a sixth cup for Evie. Lukas watched her.

"This ain't one a yer daughters, is it?"

"Well, now she is. This is my Jayne's new sister. Kaylee Frye, this here is little Lukas Khang. Boy was more trouble to more'n half the colony. Always beggin' for biscuits or pie and such. Kaylee here is the finest mechanic flyin'."

"Aw, I'm not -" Kaylee blushed.

"Our lil' Kaylee doesn't like to brag, but she's a right genius with machines," Mal said suddenly, cutting across her path. "Mornin' officer, I'm Cap'n Mal Reynolds. Is there some kinda trouble?"

"Na, just got a report come in sayin' Jayne mighta be here lookin' to make some trouble. Figured it'd be good to check on it," Lukas said casually.

"My Jayne? He'd never go out seekin' trouble. Really, Luk. Boy's been gone more'n twenty years. Anybody he'd have a grudge with's dead," Evie scolded.

"Not everybody, Evie. Weblin's still own big chunks of this world. Most of 'em remember the trouble he had with Vera and her pop."

"That's been dead and buried. Vera married that man and my Jayne went off into the black. I'll not have you a ruinin' the only proper visit I've had with my boy since Al died."

"Evie, we're just here seein' if any of the Weblin clan's been to see y'all. That and to see if any a his were involved in the shooting of Hessian Weblin."

"Hessian Weblin? That little piss pot? Who'd wanna shoot him? Waste a bullets." Evie laughed.

"Cobb boys were seen leavin' around the time a the shootin'."

"We did leave a bit before, heard quite a ruckus behind us, though."

"Hmm." Lukas glanced over at Kaylee, who was heading back indoors. "You wouldn't happen to have a brother, Miss Kaylee?"

"I got a younger brother back on Avalon," Kaylee frowned. "Why you ask?"

"Just gettin' the latest news from the Alliance boys, lookin' for a pair a siblings. This Rita girl - she is your sister?"

"Yeah."

"Picked 'em both up on Avalon bout four years back. Kaylee's a crack mechanic, and little Rita can cook and fly half decent," Mal grinned, "Two for one deals."

"You been lettin' her fly?" Lukas probed.

"Not often. She's co-pilots a bit."

"So no brothers and sisters on board?"

"Only if'n you're talking about in the great big plan fer us all kinda way," Mal replied.

"Well, we should be movin' on. Thank you fer the coffee, Evie. Give Jayne and Rita our best."

"Will do, Sheriff."

The Sheriff and his men were gone within five minutes. Mal glanced over just to see Zoe, Wash and Phoebe riding up on the Cobb transport vehicle. Phoebe hopped off and raced to her mother, who was shaking something fierce.

"Mama?"

"Mal, what's goin' on?" Wash asked.

"Jayne's in trouble, Cap'n. I just know it. Them Weblin scum are up to no good," Evie said in a tight voice.

"We better go interrupt that honeymoon, then."

River stirred, her stomach grumbling to be fed. The twins needed nourishment and she'd expended so much energy in the night that her body demanded to be sated . . .again. She smiled as she slipped out of bed, leaving Jayne sprawled against the wall. Harder to kick him out of bed again if he was pressed tightly to an obstacle.

Eggs, bread, and breakfast meats had been freshly stocked for them, and River set out to make fluffy eggs and toast. She melted the butter in the pan and broke four eggs into a small serving bowl. Adding some milk, she started to beat the eggs. She'd just sliced the bread when Jayne lumbered into the kitchen, wrapped only in the bed sheets.

"Mornin'," Jayne muttered.

"Eggs?"

"Food?"

"Yes."

He was shoveling in a mouthful of eggs as River finished making the bacon. She sat across from him and took a bite. They didn't speak, and it was quite nice. And then she felt it. She dropped her bacon and jumped to her feet. Jayne's fork hit the plate with a clatter as he grabbed her by the arms. She let out one horrified moan, and he felt like shaking her. There was a quiet popping noise and the tinkling noise of falling glass.

"Gorrammit!" Jayne said flinching away from the sound. River hadn't said anything, and he turned to face her. The image of her had his heart in his throat.

River's mouth was opened in a soundless scream as the blood stained her nightgown. Jayne stared at her in concern. Blood was pooling on the stomach of her dress, where his children were safe. He pulled her away from the window and searched for an entry wound. His hands moved quickly over her belly, making sure she and the babies were okay. They felt leaden, and he couldn't find the wound.

"Jayne," she whimpered, pulling at his shirt.

"Girl, it ain't no time ta be tryin' ta sex me up," he growled. Maybe she'd been hit in the back.

"Not me," River sobbed, holding up a bloodstained hand in front of his face. "_You_."


	14. The Nerve

Title: The Nerve  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-18  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.  
Spoilers: The series, and for _Baby on Board_, _Just Unsettlin', Nightmare Seduction,_ _Nucleus, Not Whole,_ _Mama Cobb, Tiny Thing Like That, Family Matters, Gathering, Hootenanny or a Shindig (part one and part two), Floozies, Vixens and the Manner of Grief, Miles to Go Before I Sleep, Come a Little Closer, & Don't Worry 'Bout A Thing_  
Summary: Comeuppance  
A/N: See what happens when Jill's sleep/writing is interuppted? I go kinda crazy and start shooting people. In fic. Not in RL. . .well, not yet anyway.  
.

_The Nerve_

Jayne hadn't felt the bullet. Musta been a real small calibur, or Alliance high-tech crap that only burned ruther than fire actual bullets. Didn't see why anyone'd buy that crap.

Musta been aimin' for River, that or they had piss-poor aim. Jayne frowned at that. Nobody on Cadence'd have anything against River. Didn't know anybody but his family. An' they was above shootin' kin - at least he thought they were.

"Get yer gorram ass down, woman. Likely to put a bullet through you faster'n lightenin'," Jayne spat through gritted teeth as he tugged her to the floor.

"I wasn't quick enough. She didn't see, didn't know that one kind of blood would be switched for another," River's voice cracked painfully as she tried to stop the bleeding with one a his Mama's tea towels.

Jayne couldn't help but grimace at the thought of what his mother'd do to him for ruining the pretty little floral thing. River's head snapped back in confusion, and Jayne tried to yank her back towards him, fearin' she'd been hit.

"Safe, took a bullet for me, more than once. Doesn't fear death - but fears his mother's broken heart," River whispered as the sunlit room began to darken around her. "A girl could love you so easily if only you let her."

These were the last words Jayne Cobb heard before he gave in to the darkness.

"Get as many guns as you can carry," Evie was saying to the crew of _Serenity_. "Got that fancy armor a yours?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Zoe said, taking another gun from Wash.

Mal, Zoe, Wash, Evie and Phoebe were gathered around the large collection of weapons on the kitchen. Kaylee chewed at her nails nervously, her mind straying to River and what trouble Jayne had found them in now. Not that she blamed him or nothin'. Just seemed like it were always him or the Cap'n pullin' 'em into another dandy of a pickle.

"Are we sure Jayne's in trouble?" Kaylee asked.

"My boy a good aim?"

"I guess."

"Then he's in trouble," Evie sighed. She turned to Phoebe. "Run along and get yer brothers. Might need 'em."

"How bad do you reckon it is and how in the - woman, are you _suitin' _up?" Mal snapped at Evie and Phoebe - who seemed to both reachin' for the shiny metal weapons laid out.

"Boy, that's my firstborn son out there and my two newest grandbabes. I ain't 'bout to leave their lives in yer hands."

"And you?"

"Jayne taught me to shoot when I was six. I can hit a man square between the eyes or the private man bits," Phoebe said grimly, all while efficiently checking to see if the gun in her hand was loaded.

"Who we lookin' to fend off, Mrs. Cobb?" Wash asked cautiously, even though he was backing away from the hormonal teen holding a loaded weapon.

"Most likely, the Weblin Boys and kin," Evie sighed. "If'n that little piss Hessian Weblin knew who Mattie's real momma were, he'd a snatched her up as a babe, which is why I sent her and Simon hiding. Lukas, while a good man, would turn both of 'em over to the proper owners. Know Simon and River're fugees. Oh, Kaylee, sweetie, I do thank you kindly for playin' along," Evie smiled kindly at the girl.

"Oh - it weren't no trouble at all. Honest," Kaylee blushed a bit, feeling awkward and useless. "If Phoebe is goin, I suppose I could fetch the brothers."

"Thanks, Kaylee," Phoebe said, hefting up a shotgun that ought to have knocked her over.

"Sir, we should get moving. Don't think Jayne took much ammo or many weapons."

"He just took Phoebe. Left the whole mess of his weapons here," Evie fretted.

"We'll get to 'em in time. Shepherd, make sure the Doc's ready for wounded," Mal said, leading the way out the doors.

It was too late. The blood pounded through her veins, and River's hand went protectively to her belly. Too late, and help was too far off. They wouldn't make it. It was up to her. Instinct took over, and planting a kiss quickly and firmly on his sweat beaded forehead, she slipped the tiny gun into her hand and did the math.

Simon's bedside manner had always been poor. Especially with children who were doubly frightened. But even he'd been shocked by the girl's reaction. She didn't cry or fuss like normal children would if they had been told to run and hide. She calmly played cat's cradle with a piece of her mother's yarn.

"I'm not scared, and neither should you be. Mama's good at keepin' us all safe. Ain't lost a one of us yet, and I reckon she don't mean too," Mattie sighed, dropping her string.

"You should keep on playin -"

"Yer not good with kids, are ya? S'okay, nobody really knows how ta talk to me. Say I'm too smart fer my own good," Mattie stared at him in the dark little room. Simon sat back in alarm. For a moment, she reminded him so very much of River when she'd been a child. There was a wisdom in her eyes, but acceptance as well.

"Do you have to hide often?"

"Only when the bad men come. S'only happened once or twice afore. Weblin's don't care for Cobb's. I know now why, cause Jayne loved Vera, and they made me."

There was a sadness in her voice, and Simon felt himself once again feel useless. What could he say to this child that would make her feel better? Mattie swatted at his knee.

"I didn't say it so's you'd feel bad fer me. I got a whole family that'd yell at me fer feelin' so sorry fer myself. So do you, you know. Ya got five brothers and eight sisters at least now. So don't feel so glum just cause yer a fugee," Mattie smiled.

"I'm a what? Who told you that?"

"The wanted posters Mama found."

They pushed the mules as fast as they could go without bustin' something vital. The plan was to sneak round back, pull out the newlyweds, and get out without havin' to kill or be killed. Of course, they hadn't counted on River.

Phoebe had six shells in her when River liberated it from Jayne's pants. There were fourteen of them surrounding the tiny cabin. Contrary to Jayne's believe, Hessian Weblin _had_ been aiming for her unborn children. He, several of his cousins and cronies, as well at three hired guns had surrounded the cabin. Because the cabin had high windows, only Hessian had had a clear aim, and even that had been bad. But she had perfect aim. Pity there weren't enough bullets to kill them all.

She ducked around the corner of the window and calculated. It would be a stretch and the bullets wouldn't go that far. There were only five who possessed a real threat to them, and she could maim them well enough to go in for the kill on Hessian with only using three bullets.

She let off three rounds. They were tiny pops and clicks, and suddenly the three hired guns were down in a heap on the ground. One even fell out of a tree, which startled Hessian out of his hidey hole. River took careful aim before pulling the trigger three more times.

By the time the troops got there, four of the fourteen were down, and five others had run off. Only the extremely stupid had stayed behind. Phoebe raised up the shotgun, and nearly flew back off the mule. Mal's ears rung painfully as he grabbed the nearest part of her to keep her from falling. He got smacked on his ringing head for the kindness.

"Don't think you folks're in the right neighborhood," Mal shouted louder than necessary.

"We surely is! That cattle-thieving bastards in there!" One of them yelled.

"Ain't nobody but a pair a newlyweds in there! I don't give no low down dirty deceivers my cabin!" Evie took aim at the branch the man sat on. She fired with out warning in the general direction, spooking the man off his perch. "Jensen Wei, yer shootin' at a pregnant woman! My son's in there and Hessian Weblin tricked you."

"Miss Evie? I - I didn't know. Hessian said he'd been robbed - he gathered a legit posse," The bumbling red-head said, holding up his hands!

The rest dropped arms and quickly followed Jensen out of the clearing. Some gathered up the three wounded men. The fourth was a lost cause. Phoebe gasped in shock, and Mal held her when she looked ready to tip over. He shuddered some his own self when he got sight a where the man had been shot. Three precise bullet holes formed a perfect line across his body. One in the head, one in the throat, and the crotch. The others had been single, maiming wounds. These had been for the pain. The one to the head had been last. There was less blood.

Zoe and Wash were yelling to River that everything was okay, that they were coming in. Evie, Mal and Phoebe raced into the house when Wash started yelling, guns drawn.

Inside, River cradled the very naked body of Jayne to her, rocking back and forth as tears streamed down her face. Wash made a disgusted face. Mal frowned, then looked at Zoe. His second only grinned.

"He ain't dead, just passed out," she answered the unspoken question.

"But he's still naked," Wash shuddered before proceeding to dry heave.


	15. Broodmare

Title: Broodmare  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-18  
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.  
Spoilers: The series, and for the _Baby on Board _series  
Summary: As twitchy as a broodmare with her foals, and twice as deadly  
A/N: Jayne went all quiet on me after I shot him. Wonder if he got scared away? Evie got quite mad, and went and knitted him an afghan to make him less frightened of me, and Phoebe chattered day and night at his door to get him to come out. River even tried to coax him out by offering to do naughty but fun things to him. And then Mal threatened to shoot him even more. Finally they sent Zoe in, and boom, out he came. She never told me what she did, and I'm kinda too scared to ask.

_Broodmare_

River sat beside him, holding the tea towel to his wound. Evie kept pestering her with questions, asking her if she were all right. It kept her mind off of Jayne's wound. River's knuckles were white with fear. Her first instinct had been to protect Jayne and the babies during the gun fight, but now that it was done, her focus was beginning to buckle and bend, fracture and fling loose like a primary buffer panel that had broken atmo one too many times. Evie watched her quietly after a few noncommittal responses. She saw something brewing behind the younger girl's eyes.

And then she slapped River.

The whole crew went eerily silent, and Wash's mouth actually dropped open. River blinked back tears and only pressed her hand tighter onto his wound.

"Mama?" Phoebe whispered nervously.

"Don't even think a breakin' on him, girl. My boy needs yer strength more'n anyone. Cryin' over spilt blood ne'er did no one any good, _dong ma_? Need ta be strong, not only fer him, but fer them," Evie said forcefully, her hand tightening on her shoulder.

"You break and there won't be nothin' to bring you back," River said quietly. "You break and you'll lose him all over again."

"Damn right, and I ain't loosin' no one, _dong ma_?" Evie's mouth was drawn tightly as she glanced down at her boy. "Gorrammit Wash, can't you move this thing any faster?"

"Yes, ma'am."

There was a noticeable hitch as he pushed the mule faster, and Evie muttered something under her breath as she clutched tightly to River. They were quiet when they reached the Cobb home. Simon was pacing on the porch while the good Shepherd was reading from his symbol. River's face tightened when Jayne groaned in his sleep.

"Mei-mei, are you all right?" Simon called, racing down the steps.

"Jayne's been shot, doc," Mal answered for her.

"We should get him to your ship, Captain," Evie said quickly, glancing over her shoulder. "'Sides, the quicker y'all get off world, the better."

"She's right, I'm afraid I don't have the proper equipment here. How did he get shot?" Simon frowned. "And why is he naked?"

They were on-world for another thirty minutes. River, Jayne, Simon, Zoe and Wash headed back first, leaving the others to gather up their things and thank Evie for her hospitality.

"You tell that boy of mine to send us a capture the second them babies are born, or there'll be hell to pay," Evie said tearfully as she hurriedly packed up another box of things for the crew to take with them. A ribbon bound package of captures were placed securely on top as she closed the lid.

"You'll be the first one we wave, Ma'am." Mal assured her.

"Keep 'em safe, Captain."

"I'll keep 'em safe-ish, Mrs. Cobb. It's hard to keep Jayne a hundred percent safe."

"Hmm," Evie said frowning. "Well, you best be goin', afore they take off without you."

"Yes, ma'am." Mal couldn't help smiling as he turned away from the woman, her two youngest daughters creeping up beside her.

"You tell 'em we love 'em, dong ma?" Phoebe shouted after him, Mattie echoing with a "Yeah!"

Malcolm Reynolds had to ponder on what made Jayne Cobb such a lucky _hun dun_ to get such a loyal family.

It took Simon twenty minutes to remove the bullet from Jayne's shoulder, another ten to put weave and an antiseptic on it. River was curled up on the spare bed in the med bay watching him work, her hands resting on her bloodstained nightgown.

"River, sweetie, let's get you out of that dress," Inara said quietly, trying to lead the girl away from the room.

"Can't. Need proof, can't bend or break. Have to be strong, like an Amazon," River said shaking her arm free of Inara's clutch.

"River?" Inara tried again. "You won't do him or the babies any good by making yourself sick. The strongest thing you can do for him right now is to come with me and get yourself looked after."

"Simon and me will look after him, River," Kaylee said, coming into the infirmary. "Simon won't let nothing happen to him."

Kaylee slipped her fingers from Jayne's hand, and River let her. Inara smoothed down her hair, cleaned the tears and blood from her body and wrapped her gently in clean clothes, while River calculated how she could have done things differently, but flashes of horror and death passed over her eyes - of what would have been if she hadn't taken her the risk that had nearly cost Jayne his life.

Inara brushed her hair, murmuring words of comfort to the younger woman. River frowned.

"Is this how a mother acts?" She asked softly.

"I - I suppose." Inara frowned, her hands pausing. "My mother never did, but not all mothers are the same."

"I can't remember her, they cut her out, cut out how I'm supposed to nurture," River said tearfully, fracturing like she wasn't supposed to. "Can I?"

"River?"

"You learned, despite her. I can learn from you, my _real_ mother," River peered up into the Companion's eyes. "You went away. Don't. Please?"

"You've let them go to ruin since I left, Mal," Inara said hours later, after settling River down.

"_I _let them go to ruin?" Mal snapped. "They's grown folks, ain't no one _let_ them do nothing."

"She's just a child, she's barely ready to be a mother!" Inara snapped.

"Who the hell is? She made this choice, for whatever her reasons mighta been, she did it."

"She's scared, Mal."

"You don't think I saw her face? It ain't your problem anyway. We'll have you back to your girls in a day or two's time, and you can -"

"River's asked me to stay."

The room got quiet, and like so very often in the year she was on his ship, Inara couldn't read his reaction. So she pressed on.

"She called me her real mother, and a pregnant scared girl needs -"

"Her mama."

Inara smiled sadly, knowing it was crazy for her to feel this way. Mal just smiled back, as if he knew what she was going through.

"Girl once called me Captain Daddy, girls go needs for their daddies too," he said quietly, warning her about what she was getting herself into if she stayed.

"It's only another three months before she has them, and after that ..."

"After that, we'll drop you wherever you want."

Jayne sat up in the medbay, talking to Kaylee as they emptied the first crate his mama had given him. River smiled as she made her way into the medbay, a smile on her lips as she looked through the captures. Inara, Wash, and Zoe were in the dining area, having tea. Book and Captain were on the bridge, and Simon was sleeping, exhausted from his unscheduled surgery.

"Everyone's home, safe and sound," she murmured, snatching the pile of captures from Jayne's hand.


End file.
